pants: YOU ARE ALL MY CHILDREN pants: GIFTGAS pants: MEATBALLS

pants: T DEUCE I BIT MY INNER CHEEK AND IT HURTS LOTS deuce: I FEEL YOUR PAIN (ACTUALLY I DO NOT AND DO NOT GIVE A SHIT BECAUSE YOU ARE AN OBJECT TO BE USED)

pants: YOU ARE EATING ALL THE DOTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DEMAND AN IMMEDIATE REGURGITATION spigot: KAFF KAFF spigot: . . . . . . . . . . . pants: THANK YOU spigot: BLLLLLL

spigot: HEIL HITLER EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: YOU ARE GO FOR CABIN DEPRESSURIZATION

pants: KINDA FAGGY pants: ... pants: OH WHO AM I TRYING TO KID pants: TOTALLY FAGGY pants: 100% OF 100% FAGGY pants: OW OW LL COOL J STOP YOU ARE HURTING ME pants: ACOUSTIC KITTY (MID-1960S) pants: I'M AN OIL MAN

pants: I HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT "YOU ARE IN ME" pants: I AM NOT AMUSED pants: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR MASSIVE GAYNESS

spigot: I NEVER GOT THE JO INSTRUCTIONS SO I LACK JO ENCOURAGEMENT

spigot: MAKE 'EM LAUGH spigot: HURBLE DURLBE / GURBLE FURGLE / MAKE 'EM LAUGH spigot: YOU ARE SOAPING ME

pants: go shit in your hat spigot: maybe you didn't hear about it, you been away a long time: i don't shit in hats anymore

pants: WATERY SHIT IS GOING TO DRIBBLE DOWN YOUR LOG-LIKE OAFISH LEGS atandt: WELCOME TO THE FIRST CHURCH OF CHRIST SODOMY atandt: COME DOWN FOR THE SERMONS atandt: STAY FOR THE SUNDAY SCHOOLS atandt: I WILL BE HOLDING SERVICES THIS WEEK atandt: BRING A RAINCOAT pants: I WILL DO NO SUCH THING spigot: I'M LICKING DICKS pants: YOU BET

spigot: IS ALIEN ROMULUS JUST GOING TO BE A BUNCH OF SKIBIDI ZOOMERS DIRECTED BY A EUROPEAN SKIBIDI ZOOMER spigot: WILL THE XENOMORPHS HAVE HAIR AND MAKEUP TIPS spigot: WHO WILL THE SECRET ANDROID BE THIS TIME OKAY THERE HE IS, IN THE MY LITTLE PONY SHIRT THAT SAYS CINNAMON ROLLS NOT GENDER ROLES spigot: WHY IS STAN LEE MAKING A CAMEO

spigot: HAD TO TAKE A HOODIE OFF WHILE HOLDING A DONUT AND LOST A FEW SPRINKLES

spigot: FREE TO BE YOU spigot: AND ME spigot: AND MY DICK AND THESE PUDDING CUPS????????? uncredited caveman: GRRRRR (FOAM) GRRRRRRRRR HUHHHHHH (MORE FOAM)

pants: CAN THE SPECULUMS CLOAK THEIR SHIPS TOO deuce: I DON'T KNOW I'VE NEVER BEEN TO PLANET SPECULA pants: WELL WE SHOULD GO SOMETIME (YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY JUNK IN HYPERSPACE) pants: WHAT HAPPENS IN THE AIRLOCK STAYS IN THE AIRLOCK OR JUST DRIFTS AROUND FOREVER UNTIL IT TURNS INTO SOMETHING HUSK-LIKE deuce: ARE YOU ALL RIGHT

spigot: AND THE NAME OF THAT MAN: ABRAHAM LINCOLN spigot: I HAVE A STACK OF GAGS HERE spigot: I'M GOING TO SIT ON THEM ALL UNTIL I GET SOME CRITICAL FEEDBACK pants: SOAKING IN SOAPY WATER spigot: SEE NOW "SOAKING" IS FUNNY spigot: WORDS WITH "K" ARE FUNNY pants: NONE OF THIS IS FUNNY I'M WET AND COLD spigot: CUPCAKES ARE FUNNY, CELERY IS NOT FUNNY spigot: COCKS ARE FUNNY TWICE IN THE SAME SYLLABLE (RARE) pants: THE JERKCITY MANUAL OF STYLE spigot: KAFKA IS ONLY FUNNY TO THE NEO-CLASSICAL EXISTENTIALISTS pants: T SPIGOT DO I ACCEPT NETSCAPE'S LICENSE AGREEMENT OR NOT spigot: CUPCAKES bung: RAPE IS FUNNY BUT I DON'T SEE A "K" OR HEAR A "K" spigot: THE IMPLIED UNDERSTANDING IS THAT YOU CAN FEEL THE K

pants: JACK ME OFF BACKWARDS THIS TIME deuce: DO YOU MEAN FORTH AND BACK RATHER THAN BACK AND FORTH deuce: OR IS THIS SOME PARITY TRANSFORMATION WHERE WE'RE... deuce: ...WATCHING EACH OTHER THROUGH A MIRROR pants: PUT THE TOOTHPASTE BACK IN THE TUBE IS WHAT I'M SAYING deuce: I CAN'T pants: YOU CAN'T OR YOU WON'T

deuce: YOU CAN'T SPELL "RAPE" WITHOUT A pants: A++++++ deuce: OR E FOR THAT MATTER deuce: OKAY "RAPE" WAS A BAD EXAMPLE pants: ANY OTHERS deuce: OKAY deuce: YOU CAN'T SPELL "TEAM" WITHOUT A deuce: ALSO E deuce: FUCK THIS

pants: 1. LOCK TARGET pants: 2. BAIT LINE pants: 3. SPREAD NET pants: 4. ??? pants: 5. PROFIT

spigot: ALL RIGHT YOU CAUGHT ME spigot: I WAS STANDING IN THE TOILET LOOKING OVER THE WALL AT YOU spigot: GIVING YOU LOOKS, YES

deuce: I HOPE ROBERT DOWNEY JR. IS ALL RIGHT UP THERE IN HEAVEN pants: THAT POOR LITTLE GUY pants: I LOVED HIM IN ALIENS 2

pants: I SEE YOU SUCKING spigot: FUCKING SHUT THE DOOR

spigot: YOU DON'T HAVE TO LICK ALL THE DICKS . . . . . spigot: . . . . . JUST THE ONES YOU WANNA KEEP !!!! spigot: :JOY: :JOY: :JOY: spigot: :SOB: :TIRED_FACE: :SNEEZING_FACE: :NAUSEATED_FACE: :SCREAM:

spigot: JEAN-CHARLES YOU FOOL spigot: OKAY I'M A RUSSIAN ASSET pants: ARE YOU C.I.A. THOUGH spigot: I DON'T WATCH STAR TREK

spigot: SERIES OF WOMEN PHONING IN BLOWJOBS deuce: LADY YOU'RE MAKING ME BORED DOING IT LIKE THAT deuce: YOU'RE DOING IT ALL RIGHT YOU DUMB BROAD LET ME SHOW YOU OH GOD OH GOD HOMPH SPLORK SPLUT GLURF spigot: MEH MUH MMPH

pants: WHY IS TERRAFAG ABBREVIATED TO TB deuce: IT'S TERAFAG YOU FOOL deuce: YOU CRAZY BEAUTIFUL SEXY WONDERFUL FOOL

pants: ARE YOU THE BORG deuce: CHECKING deuce: OOPS YOU'RE ASSIMILATED deuce: YOU FUCKED UP SON pants: OH WELL

pants: JERKCITY FOREVER pants: AND EVER AND EVER pants: AND HALGBLAGUH BLAGBALG YOU GET THE IDEA

pants: DO YOU NEED MORE PISS pants: BECAUSE I'VE GOT PLENTY MORE pants: AND I'M IN THE MOOD pants: THAT'S IMPORTANT YOU KNOW pants: ANYWAY: BE MY URINAL FOR CHRISTMAS deuce: CAN I GO NOW pants: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO (IGNORE ME, IT'LL STOP EVENTUALLY) pants: YOU GONNA EAT THAT deuce: <CRICKETS>

deuce: GHGALH GALHGLHGHGA TIME DILATION deuce: IF I MOVE REALLY FAST AND I SEE MY OWN DICK GETTING A BONER VERY SLOWLY pants: OH YOU GOTS TO LIKE THE FREAKY ONES

deuce: YOU GOTTA LET A HO BE A HO spigot: HE'S TALKING TO THE KETCHUP NOW spigot: EXCITED ABOUT PUSH TECHNOLOGY spigot: SIR YOU ARE PUSHING MY FACE INTO A PILE OF DOGSHIT spigot: SIR IN THE BLUE PANTS pants: J E L L O

atandt: SO THIS PRIVATE DICK SAYS TO ME atandt: HOW COME ALL AND I SAYS atandt: THE MARVELS OF GENETIC ENGINEERING AND THEN HE SAYS atandt: I FORGET ANYWAY YOU HAD TO BE THERE (atandt): I AM LOGGING OUT NOW

deuce: A HOLLOW VOICE SAYS "COCKS"

deuce: THERE IS A DISTURBING METALLIC SCRAPING SOUND COMING FROM THE PIT pants: GO PIT deuce: THE PIT OPENS UP ITS GAPING MAW AND SWALLOWS YOU WHOLE: YOU ARE CONSIGNED TO SUCK AWFUL SCRAPY DICKS FOR AN ETERNITY deuce: ***YOU HAVE DIED*** pants: GO PIT

pants: > XYZZY deuce: FUCK YOUR FAGGOT SHIT. *** YOU HAVE DIED ****

deuce: BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK pants: CLICK CLICK CLICK QUIT CLICKING IT SO I CAN JAM THIS SPAM KEY IN THERE CLICK CLICK IF YOU WANT IT UNJAMMED YOU HAVE TO STOP CLICKING CLICK CLICK CLICK

pants: WHACK ME WITH A SHOVEL (I'M A MOLE)

pants: YOU HEARD ME: I SAID CAPTAIN CRUNCH TRIED TO FUCK ME

deuce: I'M A QUARK-GLUON PLASMA deuce: FUCK MY BROWN ASS

pants: DID WE MAKE THE 11 O'CLOCK NEWS AGAIN

pants: I'M A GOOSENECK LAMP deuce: THAT EXPLAINS A LOT pants: CAN'T WE JUST ROUND THEM UP AND PUT THEM IN A CAMP deuce: I STUFF CHEESE BETWEEN MY LEGS pants: I WOULD LIKE TO LICK A DICK UNDERWATER (YOU'VE HEARD ME SAY THIS BEFORE BUT THIS TIME I REALLY WILL) deuce: EVERY TIME YOU TALK ABOUT THIS YOU PUSSY OUT AND DROWN

deuce: YOU IN THE BACK WHAT IS YOUR NAME bung: I WANT MY MONEY BACK pants: FUCK YOU

deuce: YOU IN THE CORNER QUIET DOWN spigot: THAT'S A CAN-DO CHIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: (REST) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: !!!!!!!!!!! HURTING MY FINGERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

spigot: THAT'S A CAN-DO CHIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: (REST) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: !!!!!!!!!!!!!! HURTING MY FINGERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dick: DO PEOPLE READ BLOGS spigot: FRASH PRUGIN pants: YOU INSTALL NOW dick: OR ARE BLOGS LIKE POETRY pants: INSTALL NOW OR GET OUT!! I FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR MOTHER spigot: AGILE DEVELOPMENT WITH MY BALLS pants: THIS IS SPARTA

spigot: "SLOBBERING AND CRUNCHING LOUDLY" spigot: BOSTON BAKED COCKS AND FLUFFY MASHED NUTS atandt: HEY pants: YOU JUST FLOAT THROUGH THE AIR atandt: GET DOWN FROM THERE pants: YOU JUST FLOAT THROUGH THE AIR (CHORUS)

pants: PEOPLE ON THE SIDEWALK LOOKING UP pants: WE ARE ALL STARING INTO THE SUN pants: I GAVE AT THE OFFICE pants: YOU KNOW I'M PRETTY AND I KNOW I'M PRETTY SO LET'S NOT BE COY ABOUT IT

deuce: WHO WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH THE FRY'S ELECTRONIC CHIP GUY pants: YOU KNOW I DO BLUHHHHHH

deuce: LET'S MAKE LOVE UNTIL THE SUN GOES DOWN AND THEN COMES UP AND THEN THE CYCLE REPEATS THREE MORE TIMES pants: K-RAD

pants: CHOW DOWN pants: RIGHT NOW pants: I BEG OF YOU pants: MSNBC INVESTIGATES DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER INVESTIGATING MY BALLS pants: WHY O WHY pants: I CALLED THEM AND I'M ALL HEY MY BALLS BUT THEY'RE ALL HANGING UP deuce: WHAT IS IT ABOUT/AROUND YOUR BALLS THAT NEEDS INVESTIGATING (LIKE I DON'T KNOW) pants: LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW

spigot: EXCUSE ME spigot: BUT deuce: SEE *YOU* KNOW THAT AND *I* KNOW THAT spigot: THAT IS NOT EVEN KEROPPI THAT IS HELLO KITTY

pants: AVENGE NEX

pants: I'LL FIGHT YOU TO DEATH FOR THE LAST PRICK IN THE ROOM pants: A PLAY IN THREE ACTS pants: YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO pants: ATTACH ME TO THE VACUMN CLEANER: I AM MADE FOR THIS SORT OF THING

deuce: THE GUN IS ON THE DESK deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO: deuce: FIRE IT IN THE AIR AND SHOUT "YEE HAW"

spigot: SHOULD I HANG MYSELF IN THE DATA CENTER pants: THAT'S NOT WHAT THE DATA CENTER IS FOR

spigot: you know who'd make a great joker: chester cheetah spigot: he pulls out his saxophone all cool as shit, crowd claps spigot: does a few numbers and then says it ain't easy being cheesy and everyone claps spigot: pulls out a cheeto and makes it look like a tiny penis and waggles it, clapping continues spigot: then he's all: I WAS JOKING spigot: not just spitballing here spigot: i approved it during this conversation and assembled the assets myself spigot: and launched the campaign and we're live

pants: SUCK THE DICK pants: YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO pants: PASS IT ON

spigot: YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO YOUNG / YOU MAKE ME FFFFFFFFORGETTING spigot: CHAIRMAN OF THE ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE???????????? spigot: YOU MAKE ME FFFFFFFFUHHH MILLIONS OF HORRIFIED FACES

deuce: YOU FUCKERS DON'T CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL DO YOU deuce: YOU JUST USE ME FOR MY SEVEN ORIFICES deuce: AND SOMETIMES YOU MAKE NEW ONES

spigot: IF YOU SUCK COCK AND THEN GET PURPLY AIDS BRUISES AT YOUR OWN WEDDING spigot: YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK spigot: IF YOU SMEAR AND SMOOSH DOGSHIT ALL OVER YOUR NEW PICKUP TRUCK spigot: YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK spigot: IF YOU *HOMPH*

pants: YOU MIGHT SAY THIS IS AN EXTRA DUMPING WEEKEND

pants: YOU MIGHT SAY I'M A GAS PLANET

pants: YOU MIGHT SAY I'M "SMOKING MARIJUANA" "RIGHT NOW" AND "I'M REALLY FUCKING HIGH" deuce: YOU *MIGHT* SAY THAT spigot: MORE LIKE LICK DICK SCAPE AM I RIGHT GANG?

pants: you might say i struggle under low-light conditions effigy: you might say that I am "dishwasher safe"

spigot: FUCKING SHUT UP pants: I SEE YOU spigot: YOU MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT pants: LOOK DOWN

spigot: YOU MUST BE <------THIS------> RETARDED

pants: TOP ME OFF (FILL IT TO THE RIM) deuce: DO NOT OVERFILL pants: WISH YOU HAD deuce: YOU NEED TO EARN IT

spigot: HE PONCH ME IN THE MOUTH AND THEN I CLEAN deuce: APPARENTLY YOU PEOPLE DON'T THINK I'M WORTH OF A SUCKOFF

pants: NOW I'M THE SAN FRANCISCO TREAT deuce: YOU PEOPLE ARE NO FUN

deuce: HELLO DOESN'T ANYONE HERE MEEEEE EEEEE EEEEEE EEEEEE deuce: THAT'S THE ECHO deuce: YOU PEOPLE FUCKING SUCK I'M TELLING YOU

pants: YOU SAID YOU WERE BEATING OFF deuce: I CAN MULTITASK

net: I VOTED YES FOR WASHING YOUR DONG BEFORE PUTTING IT IN MY FACE BUT DID ANYONE LISTEN?????? deuce: T NET I LISTENED BUT CHOSE NOT TO ACT ON YOUR REQUEST deuce: T NET YOU SEE ??? DEMOCRACY WORKS

deuce: HI deuce: WHAT ARE YOU WEARING YOU SEXY THING deuce: AND DON'T TRY TO PRETEND LIKE YOU'RE NOT GODDAMN SEXY pants: MOSTLY TUNA

deuce: YOU SHOULD BE GLAD I DIDN'T TAKE A DUMP IN YOUR MOUTH

hanford: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY SHOWING UP TO WORK DRUNK pants: A LITTLE STONED TOO hanford: WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE pants: I MISTOOK A BUICK FOR A COMPETING MALE PROSTITUTE AND THERE WAS A FIGHT hanford: HAVE YOU BEEN UP ALL NIGHT TOO THEN pants: YOU SHOULD SEE THE OTHER GUY

deuce: IS IT JUST ME OR IS MISS PIGGY HOT pants: I'M MORE OF A BUGS BUNNY IN A DRESS MAN

spigot: WHERE CAN I LEARN MORE ABOUT JERKCITY spigot: THE LIBRARY? deuce: T SPIGOT YOU SHUT UP spigot: ?????????????

pants: YOU PROMISED THAT I WOULD GO FOR A RIDE IN YOUR AIRPLANE spigot: LOOK AT ALL THAT JIZZ pants: INSTEAD YOU TOOK ME INTO YOUR BASEMENT AND FORCED ME TO GIVE HEAD spigot: ALL OVER MY NEW MERVYNS SHIRT

deuce: LET'S TALK ABOUT DICKS NOW (BECAUSE WE NEVER TALK ABOUT THAT) atandt: YOU START deuce: MMM DICK atandt: I AGREE atandt: THAT WASN'T MUCH OF A DISCUSSION deuce: IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU'RE BEREFT OF LBHALBHGLBHALBHG deuce: HOLY GOD THERE THEY ARE deuce: GLHBLHGBLHAG BLHGBLGH BLHGBLGHB deuce: THE DICKS, THE DICKS

pants: I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE SUCKING deuce: A SAFE, NON-DANGEROUS, NON-GAY OBJECT deuce: A POPSICLE, SAY pants: MMM

deuce: THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS BALLS IS REALLY GIVING ME A WORKOUT

spigot: T DEUCE PLEASE PUT ON SOME PORN SO I CAN BEAT OFF!!!!!!!!!! deuce: T SPIGOT LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WITH NEEDS

spigot: YOU WENT THERE (POINTING ON THE FLOOR WHERE YOU WENT) spigot: I SEE YOU ALSO WENT THERE AND THERE AND THERE spigot: REALLY SEEING WHAT YOU DID THERE AND CONFIRMING THAT WHAT YOU SAID IS WHERE YOU WENT spigot: THE EXTRA MILE AND SUCH spigot: AND SO FORTH AND WHAT NOT AND ETCETERA AT THE END OF THE DAY spigot: CONNECTING THE DOTS WITH MY DUCKS IN A ROW spigot: BLAM BLAM DONGS spigot: FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER

spigot: TIME FOR MY 10AM PINT OF ICE CREAM FOLLOWED BY MY 10:30 PINT AND THEN I THINK I'M DUE FOR A PINT AT 11 effigy: TOTES BULK UP BRO spigot: CHRIST JESUS I'M LATE FOR MY 11:30 PINT effigy: FOCUS!

deuce: WANT TO LICK DICK ???? spigot: [SILENCE] deuce: YOU WILL SUBMIT *BEEP!*

deuce: DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT pants: YOU DUMPY BROAD deuce: SPEAK ENGLISH

spigot: GET OUT deuce: MAKE ME KOREA BOY : SPIGOT JABS YOU IN THE EYE WITH A CHOPSTICK deuce: OW MY CHEEK YOU WIN THIS ROUND KOREA BOY : SPIGOT JABS HIMSELF IN THE EYE deuce: BUT THIS IS NOT OUR LAST BATTLE GHLAGHALHGLAG

deuce: DONGS pants: YOU'D THINK SO HUH pants: BUT I CHECKED pants: AND NONE ARE TO BE FOUND pants: O UNTIMELY DEATH

spigot: OKAY IF YOU DON'T SUCK MY WANG IN THE TOILET I'M JUST GOING TO SAY YOU RAPED ME spigot: AND YES YOU'LL BE FIRED

deuce: YOU'RE ALL JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I'M THE HOTSTEPPER pants: FOUR INCHES OF SNOW

pants: CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP pants: MMMM YEAH THAT'S IT MMMM DON'T STOP HUHHHHHHHHH YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT NNNNNNNNNUGH DUH YEAH

deuce: I'm a sex goddess pants: praying at your altar deuce: you're doing it wrong pants: i know pants: that's my kink

spigot: spigot: DING DING DING DING spigot: FOUR ALARM FIRE IN YOUR MOUTH spigot: HERE COMES THE PRICK SHAPED FIREMAN TO SQUIRT EVERYTHING OUT spigot: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST OPEN YOUR MOUTH spigot: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TODAY spigot: YOU'RE FIRED [test pattern]

deuce: BE VERY QUIET deuce: THE DICKS ARE AFOOT pants: I AM HUSHED deuce: FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU'RE GOING TO KILL US ALL pants: I'M SUCKING AS SILENTLY AS I CAN

spigot: I THOUGHT A GENDER REVEAL WAS JUST PULLING MY PANTS DOWN

pants: MY BONER IS STANDING AT ATTENTION pants: THEREFORE YOU SHOULD SALUTE IT pants: OFFICER ON DECK deuce: HERE WE GO AGAIN

spigot: I CAN'T KEEP UP pants: YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING pants: YOU'RE JUST LYING THERE LIKE YOU GAVE UP

spigot: you're just mad the new dr who is a trap

deuce: SPIGOT THE BEAR, YOU LOOK LOVELY IN THIS LIGHT deuce: HOLD THE FUCK STILL YOU'RE MAKING IT BEND spigot: NUTS spigot: IF SOMEONE COULD PLUG THE END OF THIS KEYBOARD CABLE INTO AN EXTENSION CABLE INTO THE CUBE IN BUILDING 21, I COULD VIEW PORN FROM THE BUSHES deuce: IF ANYTHING BREAKS OFF IN YOU I'M GOING TO BE VERY PUT OUT