spigot: NOW I'M BEATING OFF AT BREUNER'S AND IN 10 OR SO MINS I'LL BE BEATING OFF AT MMM CARPETS

deuce: MAX HARDCORE'S GOLDEN GUZZLERS spigot: AVAILABLE AT IHOP ??????

deuce: OKAY I'M JUST GOING TO COME OUT AND SAY IT: deuce: SOY SAUCE ON A LOADED BAKED POTATO pants: HMM

deuce: I'M A CARD-CARRYING MEMBER OF THE ALASKA DEFENSE SPACE FORCE

spigot: PENISES LOWKEY HIT DIFFERENT WHEN THEY'RE ERECT spigot: WHAT PENISES GET RIGHT (AND WRONG) ABOUT REAR ENDS spigot: (KLINGON) WE PREFER MONGODB spigot: PUMPING MY GOONSTICK spigot: STUCK A PENIS IN MY MOUTH / AND CALLED IT MACARONI spigot: NOW HIRING DILDO POLISHERS

pants: COCKSUCKER deuce: COCKSUCKER spigot: COCKSUCKER AND DIGITAL CONTENT CREATOR

spigot: YOUR DICKLICKITUDE IS LIKE 99% OF IT pants: WHAT'S THE OTHER 1% spigot: TOILET PRIVILEGES

pants: YEAH I'D TITTYFUCK A 76-YEAR-OLD deuce: WELL OF COURSE YOU WOULD IF IT'S DOLLY PARTON deuce: IT'S YOUR DUTY AS AN AMERICAN MALE

spigot: IS BEN HUR THE GAY ONE OR IS LAWRENCE OF ARABIA THE GAY ONE OR IS SPARTACUS THE GAY ONE OR ARE THEY ALL GAY ONES pants: LET'S SEE WHAT THE COMMUTATIVE PROPERTY OF GAY MOVIES SAYS

deuce: MY BUTT HURTS FROM A LONG WALK THE OTHER DAY!!! deuce: BECAUSE I AM A `FAT FUCKING GLAZED HAM` deuce: :NOTES: MY MAKEFILE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD :NOTES:

spigot: :DOOR: GLORK BLORP BLOP GLOP spigot: HE'S A GOOD EARNER

pants: WATCH ME PISS spigot: `VECTOPOINTS` pants: WATCH ME PISS spigot: WHAT'S NEXT, `VECTOPRICKS` IN THIS WOKE NEW WORLD pants: WATCH ME PISS spigot: THE IMPORTED PROVOLONE

pants: PLEASE PUSH YOUR PENIS / IN AN OLD MAN'S HAT effigy: ONLY FROM THE TOP effigy: WAIT, IS THE OLD MAN STILL WEARING IT? pants: WHO CARES, PUSH YOUR PENIS IN THERE effigy: WAAAY AHEAD OF YOU

deuce: I REALLY, REALLY WISH EVERYONE ON EARTH WOULD SIMULTANEOUSLY COMMIT SUICIDE RIGHT NOW deuce: RIGHT..... NOW deuce: RIGHT....................... NOW

effigy: ...YOU CAN STILL SHAVE YOUR BOX THOUGH, RIGHT? pants: I HAVEN'T SEEN MY BOX FOR 17 YEARS pants: THERE MIGHT BE A DICK DOWN THERE FOR ALL I KNOW

pants: T DEUCE CAN I USE CHAT GPT TO WRITE A BONEQUEST NOVEL (OBVIOUSLY VOLUME 1 OF MANY!!!!!!!!) deuce: NO deuce: YOU MUST TYPE ALL THE STUPID WORDS YOURSELF pants: AND THEN SUDDENLY SUPERMAN BURST INTO THE ROOM WHICH IS WEIRD BECAUSE deuce: YOU HAVE REACHED YOUR 64K SEGMENTATION LIMIT.

pants: LOL BONEQUEST.SUBSTACK.COM AM SERIOUS WRITER PERSON NOW spigot: STREAM IT ON PEACOCK

deuce: MY VAGINA IS DRY deuce: WAIT I DON'T HAVE A VAGINA

spigot: YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE spigot: OR YOUR FUDGE pants: I'M THINKING I'M THINKING

spigot: I'VE DEDICATED MY LIFE TO LICKING DICK AND NOW ROBOTS ARE DOING IT

pants: DO YOU KNOW ABOUT PISS CHRIST pants: DO YOU BELIEVE

pants: I NEED TO POOP BUT I ALSO WANT A HUG: HELP ME COMBINE THESE WANTS, THESE NEEDS, INTO A SINGLE ACT deuce: I WOULD RATHER NOT HUG YOU ON THE TOILET

pants: HUGLAUHLGUAHLG deuce: GHLUAHGULAUHGLAG spigot: HERE WE ARE BUILDING COMMUNITIES

pants: IDEA: POPEYE BUT HIS SPINACH IS HEROIN AND HE JUST FALLS ASLEEP deuce: RUDE

deuce: BLEW A TROLL. BLEW A TROLL. BLEW A TROLL. YOU MADE YOUR SAVING THROW! BLEW A TROLL.

deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE CAN GO FUCK ITSELF? MANGOES pants: I DUNNO, A DRIED FLATTENED MANGO IS PRETTY GOOD deuce: SHUT THE FUCK UP

pants: CHOKE IT ON spigot: DOWN pants: ALL AROUND spigot: TOWN pants: IN THE STEREO spigot: SOUND pants: IS HOW IT'S GONNA GO spigot: DOWN pants: I LIKE LICKIN DICK AND I LIKE LICKIN spigot: PRICK pants: WE CHOKE EM DOWN QUICK OR WE ALL GET spigot: SICK

pants: CAN WE USE AI TO GENERATE NEW BRISCOE/CURTIS EPISODES OF LAW & ORDER deuce: I deuce: I, UH deuce: I WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH

pants: IS IT WRONG TO BEAT OFF WHILE WATCHING NICOLAS WINDING REFN'S <I>DRIVE</I> HE SAID HTML-LY pants: HMM pants: NO OF COURSE NOT OF COURSE IT ISN'T HUFF HUFF HUFF HLAGUHLAGLAG

deuce: T SPIGOT MY LOVENSE IS WAITING, WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG ON YOUR END spigot: T DEUCE I THREW IT OUT THE WINDOW ON THE HIGHWAY spigot: IT SHOULD FEEL LIKE CARS ARE RUNNING OVER YOUR PENIS

pants: WHO WANTS A ROASTED SUCCULENT THAT I'M SURE IS NOT POISONOUS pants: I CALL THIS A WOOD-FIRED SUCCULENT WITH SAND

pants: T SPIGOT SPOILER ALERT FOR DAHMER ON NETFLIX: pants: (GAY THEMES)

pants: I CAN'T GET UP, MY BONER FELL ASLEEP IN MY LAP pants: LOOK HOW COZY IT IS

pants: ANYWAY: TALK ME OFF pants: MAYBE USE A DEEP VOICE pants: LIKE ONE OF THEM OAK RIDGE BOYS

spigot: ONE DAY COMPUTERS MIGHT FIT UP MY REAR END

pants: SPLASH MOUNTAIN WILL BECOME DEUCE'S SHITS, BASED ON THE ANIMATED FILM “THE PRINCESS AND THE HOLLOW LOG STUFFED WITH POO BECAUSE THERE WAS NO WHERE ELSE TO PUT IT,” WHICH FEATURED THE COMPANY'S FIRST BLACK PRINCESS. spigot: E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORIES GOES BEHIND THE LOG pants: SPOILER: MORE POO

pants: LEAVES OF THREE / SUCK A DICK pants: LEAVES OF FOUR / SUCK A DIFFERENT DICK

spigot: PLEASE ENJOY MY PENIS RESPONSIBLY

spigot: TRY MY PENIS FOR 90 DAYS FREE pants: DO I NEED A CREDIT CARD spigot: N0 G1MM1CKS pants: WILL YOU TAKE DISCOVER

pants: SLAP WHAP pants: AND THEN, WHEN I WAS FIVE pants: NOW IT SAYS HERE YOU'RE A 2,000 YEAR OLD MAN IS THAT RIGHT spigot: FIRST THEY CAME FOR THE USELESS SACKS OF SHIT AND I SAID NOTHING pants: DO YOU HAVE JASON BOURNE IN CUSTODY

deuce: ANY ONE URINATING IN THIS AREA WILL BE DISCHARGED effigy: TURN YOUR KEY, SIR

spigot: EVERY TIME I WATCH GROUNDHOG DAY IT'S THE SAME STUPID MOVIE spigot: DID THE PUNXSUTAWNEY PHAG COME OUT OF HIS CLOSET AND SEE A PENIS spigot: SIX MORE MONTHS OF PENISES

deuce: IF PYTHON WERE A WOMAN, I WOULD FUCK IT deuce: AND deuce: IF PYTHON WERE A MAN, I WOULD STILL FUCK IT

pants: DROWN ME IN THE DROWNING BUCKET deuce: BEATIFY ME deuce: ON SECOND THOUGHT NOW THAT I'VE LOOKED THAT WORD UP NEVER MIND

spigot: SHOUTOUT TO EVERYONE HOLDING MY PENIS RIGHT NOW deuce: NULL SET spigot: I'M HOLDING IT FOR A FRIEND

pants: UP AGAINST THE WALL pants: YOU AND YOU AND YOU pants: NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE, SMOKING IS A DIRTY HABIT pants: READY pants: AIM pants: WHAT IS IT NOW

spigot: ZOOMING IN TO SHOW THE HR LADY WHERE IT SAYS SFW AND RESTING MY CASE WITH A SELF-SATISTFIED "EXCLAMATION POINT"

spigot: RUNNING DOWN THE STREET spigot: URGENTLY POUNDING ON DOORS spigot: RINGING BUZZERS spigot: * * * * * * * * TWIX MAKES EGG-SHAPED TWIX FOR EASTER * * * * * * * * spigot: * * * * * * * * * * THEY HAVE LARGER OVAL SHAPES * * * * * * * * * * spigot: * * * * * * * * * * * * * * THE COOKIE CRUNCH IS MADE OUT OF SHORTBREAD * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

spigot: DO WE HAVE A GO-TO-MARKET STRATEGY FOR MY PENIS deuce: CONVERSATION COMPLETE. NO MORE COMMUNICATION WITH ME NEEDED deuce: EVER spigot: FRIENDLY BUMP deuce: PERFECT 440 HZ SINE WAVE spigot: FRIENDLY SQUIRT deuce: COSMIC BACKGROUND HUM

spigot: IF RUSSIA GETS UKRAINE AND CHINA GETS TAIWAN WHAT DO I GET #AIDS #COMCAST #XFINITY :everybody: FOOTSTEPS, TWIG BREAKS pants: EVERYBODY BE COOL HERE COMES THE PARK RANGER REMEMBER YOU'RE JUST PISSING OR SHITTING OR WASHING YOUR HANDS OR WHATEVER GOES ON AT THE OPERA

pants: LADYBUG LADYBUG LICK ON A DICK

pants: YOU ALWAYS FEEL GOOD AFTER TAKING A SHOWER, WHY DON'T YOU DO IT MORE OFTEN deuce: I'M TOO LAZY TO EVEN ANSWER THAT QUESTION

pants: HERE WE GO! MEN INTO POSITION QUICKLY! BGALGHLBAGHLAG pants: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE STAND BACK pants: AH-OO-GAH THIS PROCESS IS COMPLETELY SAFE DON'T WORRY pants: *GONG* *GONG* *GONG* EVERYTHING IS PROBABLY FINE pants: *PONK* JUST A ROUTINE TURBINE TRIP pants: *PONK* HOWEVER *PONK* pants: YOU MAY WANT TO CONSIDER *PONK* pants: A GRADUAL EVACUATION OF THE FACTORY FLOOR pants: ALL DONE. GARDYLOO!

deuce: HTTP ERROR 576: INCAPABLE OF LOVE

pants: T DEUCE WILL SIR BE PAYING $100/MO TO (BROW FURROW) TWEET YOUR SHITS deuce: I'D PAY $100/MO BUT THAT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT'S ENOUGH pants: PAPA I NEED FARTS deuce: I CALL IT THE _FEDIVERSE_ BECAUSE I POUND DOWN COCKS LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW pants: SAME, SAME spigot: I TOLD HER THE ONLY FLOPPIES I'LL COPY ARE THESE AND THEN YANKED HER TITS UP AND DOWN

deuce: WELP I TOOK A NAP AND NOW I'M GROGGY AND CONFUSED pants: BREAK ME DOWN deuce: LIKE SOME EMPTY BOXES pants: OR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: ACTUALLY YEAH, THAT pants: NUTBUSTERS, HO!

pants: DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION I ATTEMPT TO BLOW MYSELF AND END UP ROLLING DOWNHILL

pants: WHAT KIND OF MAN BARFS ON HIS OWN COCK deuce: A REAL PRO

spigot: I'LL SEE YOUR 76 FAT PRICKS IN THE BIG PARADE AND RAISE YOU 110 BIG FAT DONGS CLOSE AT HAND

effigy: WELL JUST SIT BACK, PUT ON A COMMODORES RECORD AND DREAM OF HOW YOU SAW LIONEL RITCHIE'S DICK IN THE DRESSING ROOM THAT ONE TIME..... deuce: AHEM IT WAS PANTS' PENIS IN THE BATHROOM effigy: OH, THEN PUT ON EARTH, WIND, AND FIRE

spigot: FIRST TIME CALLER, LONG TIME DICKLICKER

deuce: MARRY ME pants: WELL I WOULD LIKE TO BUT I AM UNDER THE WEATHER deuce: ARE YOU NOW pants: NO pants: I LIED TO GET OUT OF MARRIAGE

deuce: LET US KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO TO HELP pants: OR MAKE THINGS WORSE

pants: BALL-SQUEEZING SEXUAL SADISTS effigy: OH, YA pants: I'LL BE SURE TO READ YOUR BLOG EVERY DAY effigy: THERE IS NO BLOG IN MY CONTRACT

spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO SUCK 101 DICKS AND MAKE A COAT OF SQUIRT deuce: I AM 100% BEHIND YOU IN THIS ENDEAVOR deuce: AND I'M NOT KIDDING ABOUT THE BEHIND PART net: I CAN DONATE SQUIRT deuce: WHAT WE NEED IS YOUR FUR net: I HAVE IT SEPARATED INTO JARS OF WHITE SQUIRT AND BLACK SQUIRT net: SO IT'S EASIER TO MAKE SPOTS deuce: OKAY THAT'S NOT RIGHT pants: I COULD REALLY USE YOUR HELP SHOVELING TANBARK IN THIS A.M.

deuce: I HAVE A HANGOVER deuce: I WONDER WHY

deuce: LOL @ CONVENTIONAL WISDOM pants: YOUR SO-CALLED SKY GOD deuce: HANGING MY BOTTOM OUT OF THE OVERTON WINDOW AND POOPING pants: T DEUCE POOP QUICK BECAUSE THAT WINDOW IS SLIDING deuce: I DON'T GET IT deuce: AND SCENE

dick: I WAS HERE FOR A FEW MINUTES spigot: T DICK LOVE U deuce: WE NEED MORE DICK deuce: WAIT deuce: OKAY THAT TOO pants: THE REQUEST STANDS

deuce: I'M A BYTE ORDER MARK deuce: USE ME WISELY

spigot: VERY QUIETLY, VERY SLOWLY, VERY EVENLY: GET OUT OF MY DATACENTER

spigot: CHAIR RECOGNIZES THE GENTLEMAN ABOUT TO BUST A NUT

pants: HEY EVERYBODY LOOK WHAT'S IN MY TROUSERS: pants: A TORRENTIAL ATMOSPHERIC RIVER AND FUNNEL DRENCHING RAINS pants: IT'S STUCK YOU JUST HAVE TO TUG IT pants: CONTINUE TO TUG pants: DON'T STOP spigot: I'M ON A CALL

pants: FORCE ME TO WAKE UP pants: GET THE HOSE deuce: YOU KNOW A HOSE IS NOT THE SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS

pants: HOW DID YOU GUYS DO DURING NO-FART FEBRUARY deuce: I GAVE IT UP FOR LENT

deuce: I'M A PROLAPSED CATHOLIC

spigot: I CAN'T BE BENDING OVER PICKING UP EVERY CORN DOG I DROP spigot: DID YOU KNOW CORN DOG WAS TWO WORDS spigot: (I DID)

deuce: WANNA FUK pants: KIIIINDA deuce: ALL RIGHT THEN FILL OUT THIS FORM IN TRIPLICATE AND WAIT 3-6 WEEKS pants: THERE'S NO BETTER TIME TO GET THIS PROCESS STARTED THAN RIGHT NOW

deuce: OUR CIVILIZATION HAS REACHED PEAK PISS pants: GO ON deuce: WHOOPS NOPE A LITTLE MORE JUST DRIBBLED OUT pants: ARE WE GOOD HERE THEN

spigot: HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT NOTHING IS EVER RIGHT

spigot: JAVASCRIPT QUESTION: spigot: HOW DO YOU COUNT THE DICKS IN MY MOUTH

pants: I'M A FARTBAG ON THE LOOSE pants: BE MINDFUL OF ME spigot: REDDIT POST PROVES NEW SAMSUNG PHONE IS A PHONE MADE BY SAMSUNG pants: THE UNIVERSITY OF COCKSUCKING, MINNESOTA deuce: IT'S STATE-RUN BUT IT'S PRETTY GOOD

spigot: DONGS OUT: A BONEQUEST MYSTERY

spigot: THIS DATACENTER NEEDS AN INTIMACY COORDINATOR deuce: IT DEFINITELY DOESN'T NEED MORE COCKSUCKING

deuce: THE LATEST RELEASE OF THE TWITTER FILES: DEUCE'S SHITS spigot: THEY CUT THE WHOLE SCENE WHERE DATA HELPS STEPHEN HAWKING EMPTY HIS DIARRHEA BUCKET

deuce: UNABLE TO MAKE PAYROLL DUE TO SVB FAILURE pants: BEEP pants: BEEP pants: BEEP pants: IS THAT THE GAY ALARM OR THE LOW BATTERY ALARM FOR THE GAY ALARM pants: :ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT: NEED KNOW INFO :ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT:

deuce: :NOTES: JERK IT REAL GOOD pants: I WILL NOT deuce: THEN YOUR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER NEEDED (YOUR JERKING SERVICES)

deuce: FOLKS I'M TRYING A SMOKED GOUDA TRISCUIT FOR THE FIRST TIME (STARTING MY LIVE BLOG) deuce: CRONCH CRONCH CRONCH deuce: NOT BAD (STOPPING LIVE BLOG)

pants: WHERE DO YOU STAND ON THE POPE spigot: HIS WINDPIPE pants: POPE HOSPITALIZED pants: DIFFICULTY BREATHING spigot: I CALL IT HIS WINDPOPE

pants: CHOP OFF MY DICK AND CHUCK IT OUT THE HOTEL WINDOW

spigot: CAPTAIN'S LOG SUPPLEMENTAL: I LICK DICK

spigot: HOW MANY MORE TIMES IN LIFE DO I HAVE TO SEE THE WORD VANDERPUMP

spigot: I CAN FIT 3 CADBURY CREME EGGS IN MY MOUTH deuce: BANNED

pants: TAKING CLASSES AT THE LOCAL QUEER COLLEGE deuce: ON WHAT SUBJECT PRAY TELL pants: SPREADSHEETS, MICROSOFT WORD

spigot: WOULD YOU LICK DICK FOR A CHANCE TO WIN THE ULTIMATE GAMING PC

pants: MAKE ME WAKE UP pants: YELL AT ME pants: YELL AT MY COCK pants: TELL MY COCK IT IS PRETTY BUT YELLING pants: CHOKE ME pants: CONFIRM THAT I WISH TO SUBSCRIBE TO YOUR MAILING LIST pants: THEN TAKE 6-8 WEEKS TO PROCESS MY UNSUBSCRIBE REQUEST pants: ALL THE TIME YELLING AT MY COCK pants: MAINTENANCE MODE pants: SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE pants: OUR WEBSITE IS CURRENTLY UNDERGOING SCHEDULED MAINTENANCE pants: THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING spigot: I'M AT DEFCON SQUIRT

pants: AND NOW TO PUNCH MYSELF IN THE COCK AND STUFF MYSELF IN THE DUMBWAITER

pants: HLAGHUALGHLAGAGAG pants: ROLLING UP MY SLEEVES, TAKING THEM ON TEN AT A TIME pants: GHLAGHULAGHLAHGLUAG

deuce: T PANTS THE _ENTERPRISE_ JUST WATCHED HER SISTER SHIP _YAMATO_ EXPLODE pants: T DEUCE ACTIVATE PHOTON TORPEDOES spigot: DO YOU DARE ME TO CRANK CALL THE NEUTRAL ZONE

spigot: CAPTAIN. IT APPEARS TO BE A TWENTIETH CENTURY EARTH PENIS

spigot: EVERYTHING IS AI NOW deuce: AND STUPID deuce: WELL ADMITTEDLY IT WAS ALWAYS STUPID spigot: I SHOULD NEVER HAVE MADE BROWSERS

pants: I DON'T CARE TO CLICK ON THINGS pants: THEY CAN CHECK IN WITH ME IF THEY WANT SOMETHING

spigot: LITERALLY JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING YOU COULD DO ALL OVER MY FACE

deuce: CAN I GIVE YOU A LITTLE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM pants: SURE deuce: SUCK A COCK

deuce: I JUST CHANGED MY BEDSHEETS!!!! TIME FOR A FUCKING NAP

pants: :PIG2: deuce: STOP pants: NO spigot: QUICK CALLOUT: AROUND THE CORNER FUDGE IS MADE deuce: MY SPURT MISSED THE JIZZ NAPKIN

deuce: SOME SEX IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM pants: EH I DON'T KNOW deuce: SOME UNSPECIFIED AMOUNT pants: I GUESS deuce: MAYBE A LOT, MAYBE TOO LITTLE TO BE WORTH IT, WHO KNOWS pants: FROM A SCALE OF 1 (DID NOT GET SEX) TO 5 (SEXY SEX) HOW WOULD YOU RATE THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM deuce: I JUST SAID THE AMOUNT IS UNSPECIFIED SO I CAN'T ANSWER THAT QUESTION deuce: WHY DON'T YOU PAY ATTENTION pants: I'LL ASK AGAIN LATER deuce: SLEEPY

deuce: :BRAIN: WHAT IS THE WORST POSSIBLE THING I COULD DO RIGHT NOW pants: KICKING GRANDMA IN THE HEAD pants: PULLING DOWN MY TROUSERS AND FIDDLING ABOUT pants: TAKING A SHIT IN THE BATHTUB AND PRETENDING THE SHIT IS A BOAT pants: SPRAYING URINE ON THE BANK TELLER pants: SUCKING OFF THE MAILMAN EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE NO LETTERS FOR ME TODAY pants: DRINKING TEQUILA AND UPDATING MY LINKEDIN PROFILE pants: OFFSETTING MY CARBON FOOTPRINT BY FIRING A GUN INTO THE CEILING deuce: BLOGGING ABOUT MIDDLE MANAGEMENT LIKE IT'S A THING TO BE PROUD OF

deuce: MY CIA CODENAME WAS TUCKUS

pants: AMPLE PARKING IN THE REAR spigot: A TWELVE-INCH SINGLE deuce: WITH A B SIDE, IF YOU WILL

pants: LAG pants: HAX pants: BS pants: GAY pants: PISS pants: THE 5 STAGES OF GRIEF

spigot: CAN I OFFER YOU ANY SEXUALLY-BASED OFFENSES spigot: THEY'RE CONSIDERED ESPECIALLY HEINOUS

pants: DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE (AND SUCK ALL THE DICKS DOWN THERE) pants: WE'RE GOING TO AGE GRACEFULLY AREN'T WE deuce: NOPE

pants: SO UH pants: THE DICKS GOT OUT OF THE GARDEN AGAIN deuce: CRAM THEM DOWN pants: I TRIED THAT BUT THEY WON'T GO BACK IN WITHOUT A FIGHT AND I CAN'T FIND THE BROOM deuce: IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO BECOME THE MAN YOU CAN BE

deuce: CAN THINGS JUST NOT BREAK PLEASE, FOR FUCK'S SAKE pants: KEEPING A SERVICE HEALTHY IN 2023 IS A KNOWN THING?????? THIS SHOULD BE SOMETHING PEOPLE HAVE PRACTICE WITH????????? IT IS A SOLVED PROBLEM????????? deuce: HUHHHH

deuce: `RECOMPUTING COURSE` deuce: `COURSE PLOTTED` deuce: `HEADED DIRECTLY FOR PISS FOUNTAIN`

deuce: WHAT'S BROWN AND STICKY pants: WHAT deuce: UNKNOWN AT PRESENT, REQUIRES FURTHER RESEARCH pants: WILL SCIENCE EVER LEARN deuce: DO YOU THINK HISTORY WILL REMEMBER US AS HEROES OR AS VILLAINS pants: WE SHALL BE REMEMBERED AS DELICIOUS SANDWICHES

deuce: MY CROTCHABLE AREA IS OFFICIALLY A HOOTENANNY

pants: HAVE YOU INSTALLED YOUR DEBUG NUB spigot: CONFIRMING YOU INSTALLED THE DEBUG NUB pants: ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT EMBARRASSED BY THE DEBUG NUB pants: THERE'S FRIENDS AND FUN AND FOOD AT THE DEBUG NUB

spigot: CALLING A DETECTIVE 'IRONSIDE' BECAUSE HE'S IN A WHEELCHAIR IS LIKE CALLING ME PENIS PUMP spigot: MAYBE INSTEAD OF A WHEELCHAIR THE GUY HAS A PENIS PUMP AND HE GETS TO SQUEEZE IT ALL DAY IN COURTS OF LAW spigot: DURING CROSS-EXAMINATION WE CUT TO THE JURY BUT WE CAN STILL HEAR SQUEAKS AND PUMPS AND VARIOUS RELEASES OF AIR PRESSURE spigot: THERE'S A GODDAMN WRITERS STRIKE

pants: GETTING WAY TOO OLD TO BE HOLDING IN MY URINE WHEN LADIES WALK BY spigot: :NOTES: DICKRICKER :NOTES: :NOTES: DICKRICKER :NOTES: :NOTES: RICK ME A DICK :NOTES: spigot: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: SUCK ME A PLICK / TODAY :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: spigot: SUCK ME A GODDAMN PLICK pants: LAWYER

deuce: I'M STANDING UP AN ELITE PARAMILITARY ORGANIZATION CALLED THE CASSINI DIVISION pants: JUST PRESS DEBIT OR CREDIT

deuce: ON CAREFUL REFLECTION, CONSULTATION WITH MY ADVISORS, AND DEEP DISCUSSIONS WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS, I HAVE DECIDED NOT TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED FEDERATION OF PLANETS

spigot: DO YOU KNOW WHAT NASA STANDS FOR ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? spigot: ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? spigot: NEED ANOTHER SEVEN PENISES IN MY MOUTH

pants: IF WE'RE ALL SETTLED I CAN BEGIN THE CUM COUNTDOWN pants: ** SPLORK **

spigot: KNOCK KNOCK deuce: NO spigot: SERIOUSLY KNOCK KNOCK deuce: WHO'S THERE spigot: WIP deuce: WIP WHO spigot: WIPING URINE DROPLETS OFF THE TOILET WITH MY SOCK deuce: WHY WOULD YOU DO A WOMAN'S WORK spigot: ** AND ** I WAS WEARING THE SOCK

pants: COCK, BARFED ON deuce: PANTS, CROTCHLESS pants: CHAPS, ASSLESS deuce: NO THEY ARE VERY ASSFUL (THEY'RE WORKING AGAINST TYPE) spigot: JESUS CHRIST I THOUGHT IT WAS THE COPS OR A SWAT TEAM BANGING ON OUR FRONT DOOR BUT IT WAS THE STOUFFER'S LASAGNA CUSTOMER SUCCESS SQUAD ASKING IF I NEEDED MORE PARMESAN spigot: IT'LL BE HERE IN 4-6 WEEKS

deuce: ON MAY 7, 2023 THIS PAPER INADVERTENTLY RAN A STRIP WHICH WAS DISRESPECTFUL TO STOUFFER'S LASAGNA. deuce: BOTH STOUFFER'S AND ITS PARENT COMPANY NESTLE ARE GLOBALLY RESPECTED AND BELOVED BRANDS. YESTERDAY'S CONTENT WAS NEITHER AUTHORIZED NOR REVIEWED BY MANAGEMENT PRIOR TO PUBLICATION. deuce: BONEQUEST REGRETS THE ERROR.

spigot: ATTENTION ***LADIES*** spigot: YOU DON'T HAVE TO STUFF A SOCK IN YOUR BIKINI BOTTOM TO GET MY ATTENTION spigot: AT LEAST PUT THE SOCK IN FRONT

spigot: HERE'S MY BLACK MIRROR IDEA: WHAT IF COMPUTERS DID A THING spigot: WHAT IF WE'RE ALL IN REALITY **AND** IN A DREAM BUT ALSO NOT REALLY spigot: WHAT IF SOMETHING WAS *** DIFFERENT *** SOMEHOW spigot: WHAT IF SOCIETY SUDDENLY BECAME SOME KIND OF A BIG SITUATION TYPE DEAL pants: MY NUTS POUNDED INTO A FLAT CIRCLE

spigot: ONSCREEN pants: IT'S A BBC CAPTAIN spigot: OFFSCREEN

deuce: UM deuce: ERR deuce: THAT'S HAND SANITIZER NOT BONER LUBE spigot: I KNOW WHAT IT IS AND IT BURNS

spigot: 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎶 NOW THIS IS A STORY / ALL ABOUT HOW 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎵 spigot: 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎵 I SUCKED A FEW DICKS / IN THE STALL JUST NOW 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎶 spigot: THE END pants: WAIT I CAN BEATBOX

deuce: LET'S CELEBRATE MOTHER'S DAY BY CUTTING OUR DICKS OFF

deuce: CALLING ALL HOMOS, CALLING ALL HOMOS pants: GO AHEAD deuce: JUST SAYING HI pants: HEY

spigot: JUST ADMIT MASS IS A VECTOR deuce: IF YOU DEAL WITH OBSOLETE IDEAS LIKE RELATIVISTIC MASS IT KIND OF IS !!!! spigot: MASS IS SHORT FOR MY ASS

pants: OKAY I NEED EVERYBODY TO PRAY FOR ME pants: IN 3 pants: 2 pants: 1 pants: PRAY FOR PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: THERE'S NO PARTICULAR REASON OR WANT I JUST LIKE TO BE IN GOD'S THOUGHTS deuce: YOU'LL REGRET IT pants: WILL I THO deuce: WHAT DID I JUST SAY

spigot: PASSIONFRUIT LACROIX IS DELICIOUS spigot: I LITERALLY DO NOT BELIEVE IT'S NOT FRUIT PUNCH spigot: ARE YOU GUYS IN CHAT PLOTTING TO GET RID OF SPIGOT NEXT

spigot: COCKSUCKING BEST PRACTICES spigot: COCKSUCKING DESIGN GUIDELINES spigot: CLAIM YOUR COCKSUCKING WHITEPAPER

pants: EATING GRUBS FROM A FALLEN LOG

pants: DICKS deuce: DICKS pants: T SPIGOT NOW YOU SAY DICKS!!! spigot: DICKS deuce: NOW WE CAN ALL SHOOT UP A SCHOOL/ WORKPLACE/ CHURCH/ MALL

deuce: MARRIAGE IS EXCLUSIVELY A BOND BETWEEN A MAN AND A CHIPMUNK deuce: PROOFREADING deuce: YEP, THAT'S RIGHT, PRINT IT

deuce: WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T LICK DICK IN THE TOILET spigot: I SEE DO AND DON'T SEPARATED ONLY BY A COMMA IN THAT SENTENCE

pants: AHEM pants: WHERE'S THE PISS BUCKET pants: OH GODDAMNIT GET YOUR FOOT OUT OF THERE pants: STOP CLOMPING AROUND THE LIVING ROOM IN A COMICAL FASHION deuce: NEVER deuce: DEATH FIRST

pants: I WOULD LIKE ONE (1) FART PLEASE pants: NOT ASKING FOR A LOT HERE spigot: I TRIED BUT COULDN'T deuce: ZERO FARTS GIVEN pants: OOF OW deuce: LET'S FACE IT, IF YOU HAD A FART, YOU'D JUST WASTE IT pants: YEAH

pants: HEY GUYS WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GO TO BIGASSMESSAGE.COM/BEAC6 deuce: BIGASSMESSAGE.COM/AD1F2

spigot: I'M JAMES BOND AND I HAVE A LICENSE TO *****KILL***** spigot: ALSO A LICENSE FOR MY TV SET

pants: MY BUCKET LIST pants: IN THAT I SHIT IN BUCKETS YES pants: T DEUCE DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THE PET SHOP BOYS SONG "WEST END GIRLS" deuce: NOPE pants: BECAUSE I DO (ALL THE TIME) pants: "WEST END GIRLS" IS RAP pants: ANYWAY I'M A SEX OFFENDER

pants: WARNING: THIS TEST IS VERY BANDWIDTH INTENSIVE. deuce: KYS pants: FREEZE ME, DROP ME FROM A HEIGHT, PICK UP SOME OF THE SCATTERED CHUNKS, ADD A SMALL AMOUNT TO YOUR WHISKEY pants: CHRIST M'LORD

spigot: DRY CLEANER COULDN'T GET AN EGREGIOUS COFFEE STAIN OUT A TOP-TIER SHIRT, GONNA MAKE CARMELLA BUY IT AGAIN spigot: I SAID NO PULP, THIS SAYS SOME PULP spigot: WHEN I GET MY 100TH ROBERT GRAHAM I'M COMMISSIONING A HAM RADIO SHIRT WITH ALL KINDS OF OLD MODEL RADIOS AND FANCY ANTENNA SYSTEMS AND YES: A UTILITY POCKET

pants: IS THIS ALL THERE IS deuce: YES; THE FINALE IS THAT WORMS EAT US

spigot: MAY I STORE SOME PISS BOTTLES AT YOUR HOUSE pants: I HAVE THE SPURTS, THE SCOOTS, THE SQUIRTS pants: AND pants: THE FARTS

pants: THE RULE IS NOW THIS: pants: DON'T LET ME NEAR THINGS pants: I WILL BREAK THEM, EAT THEM, STEAL THEM, FUCK THEM OR PUT THEM UP ME

spigot: PLEASE ENJOY THIS REDEMPTIVE ARC (OF URINE) spigot: PLUH PTHT :ZAP: BZZT DOWNTIME

deuce: MY BALLS ARE NONJUSTICIABLE pants: MY FACE IS UNBEATOFFABLE deuce: I LOVE THAT BEYONCE SONG pants: HASHTAG WIENERS

spigot: AM I BEING DETAINED spigot: AM I FREE TO GO spigot: DID I FAIL THE POLYGRAPH spigot: ARE YOU SEIZING MY VEHICLE spigot: YES I WOULD LIKE TO POLL THE JURY spigot: BEFORE MY LETHAL INJECTION I'D LIKE ALL YOUR NAMES AND BADGE NUMBERS

pants: MAYBE INSTEAD OF APRIL FOOL'S DAY WE CAN CELEBRATE APRIL POOLS DAY WHERE WE GET A KIDDY POOL AND SPLASH PISS AT EACH OTHER pants: WITH A TARP DOWN OF COURSE I'M NOT AN ANIMAL

spigot: WHY HASN'T ANYBODY NOTICED NOBODY PAYS ATTENTION TO ANYONE ANYMORE deuce: YES DEAR I'LL TAKE OUT THE TRASH AFTER THIS GAME IS OVER spigot: DESTINATION: DONGS pants: CHRIST IS LORD pants: GET IT ON pants: TALK ME DOWN, TALK ME OFF spigot: I NEED MORE TO GO ON THAN JUST YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH

pants: LET'S INVENT MINECRAFT AND THEN EAT JELLYBEANS UNTIL WE ARE SICK

pants: BUT ALSO THE PISS IS NOT CLEAR (CLOUDY) deuce: IT'S ALSO KIND OF DARK ORANGE deuce: IT'S TRANSLUCENT AT LEAST pants: WE SHOULD SEE SOMEBODY ABOUT THAT pants: A PROFESSIONAL THIS TIME pants: NOT THE GUY WHO WAS HANGING AROUND THE REDBOX MACHINE AT SAFEWAY deuce: BUT HE SEEMED NICE deuce: ALSO A LITTLE HOMELESS pants: A GOOD PISS DOCTOR IS HARD TO FIND

deuce: DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT pants: YOU DUMPY BROAD deuce: SPEAK ENGLISH

spigot: MY NON-VERBAL CHILD pants: HULAHGLAG

spigot: TO PROTEST REDDIT'S EXPENSIVE API I'LL BE HOSING ALL THE DOG SHIT OFF THE SIDEWALK AND HANDING OUT BALLOONS deuce: WHAT'S THE POINT OF GOING DARK IF YOU JUST SLINK RIGHT BACK LIKE ANYTHING'S CHANGED OR WILL EVER CHANGE spigot: I PUT THE DOG SHIT IN THE BALLOONS

spigot: I PROPOSED SHIT-SHAPED SHOES, SHOE-SIZED SHITS, SHIT-SIZED SHOES AND FINALLY SHOE-SHAPED SHITS spigot: NONE OF THEM IGNITED THE PUBLIC CONSCIOUSNESS deuce: YOU COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG

pants: PEEP PEEP PEEP PEEP I'M A SONGBIRD deuce: HELLO, SONGBIRD deuce: WANNA FUCK

pants: SHOULD WE PUNCH COPS OR KISS THEM deuce: WHY NOT BOTH pants: NOW WE ONLY NEED AGREE ON THE ORDER

spigot: WHY IS MY MOUSE SUPER WARM LIKE IT WAS RAY TRACING MOTION BLURS ALL NIGHT deuce: OH I STORED IT IN MY ASS FOR YOU spigot: WELL THAT IS NOT WHERE IT GOES pants: MY WACOM TABLET

pants: SHOW ME CHEWBACCA'S DICK pants: SORRY WAIT THAT'S NOT RIGHT pants: COMPUTER, SHOW ME CHEWBACCA'S DICK deuce: LET ME TRY deuce: COMPUTER, SHOW ME THE DICK OF CHEWBACCA deuce: COMPUTER, SHOW ME CHEWY'S DICK deuce: NOPE ISN'T WORKING pants: THIS FUCKING SUCKS I WANT TO SEE WOOKIE DICK pants: YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF BOLSHEVIKS deuce: ONLY MENSHEVIKS HERE

deuce: FANNYPACKS ALL AROUND pants: HANDING THEM OUT LIKE AID WORKERS FROM THE BACK OF A TRUCK deuce: THERE'S NO NEED TO CROWD EVERYONE WILL GET ONE

pants: WE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO GET HARD UNTIL THE 1980S pants: THIS IS CNN pants: MAY I HAVE THE FLATBREAD deuce: `DENIED` pants: WHY MUST IT ALWAYS BE PANDEMONIUM deuce: BECAUSE YOU CANNOT CONTROL THE AUDIENCE

pants: IF I SAY, "I NEED TO VISIT THE PISS ROOM" YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON pants: WHAT THE FUCK IS "I NEED TO VISIT THE REST ROOM" pants: WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THAT pants: I HAVE NO INFORMATION ABOUT WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON deuce: IT MEANS YOU NEED TO REST deuce: BETTER "MEN'S ROOM" THAN "LAVATORY" (WHICH IS JUST GAY) pants: SO WHAT'S IN THE W.C. deuce: THE WORLD WILL NEVER KNOW

pants: INTERNET DETECTIVE AGENCY AT YOUR SERVICE MA'AM deuce: WE GET THINGS WRONG BUT WE SURE ARE ANNOYING pants: ALSO WE'RE FREE

deuce: IF I COULD BE ANY KIND OF SUPERSYMMETRIC PARTICLE I'D BE A PRICKALINO

pants: ADVENTURES IN COCKSUCKING!!!!!!! pants: (DICKLICKING) pants: HLGAHULGHUALG pants: GHLAGHULAHGLG pants: BLGUGHLAUGLAG pants: LALGUHLAHGLGG pants: AND DONE deuce: NATURE IS HEALING

pants: IS THIS THE END OF DEUCE'S SHITS deuce: COULD BE

spigot: DEUCE AND I WERE ABLE TO ALIGN OUR STREAMS TO MAKE LETTERS LIKE X AND T AND V AND L AND SOMETIMES Y spigot: HARDEST WAS THE CURSIVE Q WHICH LOOKS LIKE A 2 spigot: THESE ARE PISS STREAMS I'M TALKING ABOUT FOLKS deuce: T SPIGOT PLEASE DON'T TALK ABOUT THE Q I THINK I SUSTAINED SEVERE INJURY ON THAT ONE pants: I WANT TO GO HOME

bung: I REALLY THINK THE DICK DISPENSER IS BROKEN pants: TRY THE RED BUTTON bung: IT JUST GOES "CLICK" AND THEN NOTHING pants: I MAY HAVE BURNED IT OUT

pants: WHO WANTS PANCAKES deuce: HOW DID WE GET HERE spigot: I WANT A LAWYER

pants: PEOPLE ON THE SIDEWALK LOOKING UP pants: WE ARE ALL STARING INTO THE SUN pants: I GAVE AT THE OFFICE pants: YOU KNOW I'M PRETTY AND I KNOW I'M PRETTY SO LET'S NOT BE COY ABOUT IT

spigot: WHO KEEPS PUTTING MY SELF-ESTEEM WORKBOOK IN THE URINAL

pants: ONCE I ATE AN ORC'S BABY

:this: IS AN UPSTANDING CITIZEN :this: HAS THE HEART OF A POET :and: SPECIMEN IS A VORACIOUS COCKSUCKER

pants: GAY deuce: AM NOT

spigot: WHEN THE BEATLES SING "I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND" spigot: ARE WE ABSOLUTELY 100% SURE THEY'RE NOT SINGING "I WANT TO LICK NINE DICKS" spigot: BECAUSE THAT WOULD MAKE SLIGHTLY MORE SENSE

spigot: WE LOVE FEEDBACK spigot: TELL US ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH APPLE PENCIL spigot: WHAT DO YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOUR APPLE PENCIL? pants: IT FITS UP MY ASS spigot: TELL US WHY YOU DO NOT USE YOUR APPLE PENCIL MORE OFTEN pants: IT LOOKS RIDICULOUS STICKING OUT OF MY ASS LIKE THAT

spigot: TIME FOR MY 10PM TATER TOTS

deuce: I'M FULL OF VIM AND VIGOR deuce: AND A NOT INCONSIDERABLE AMOUNT OF PISS

pants: WHAT A GREAT DAY TO ACCEPT NAKED JPEGS FROM ME VIA EMAIL deuce: I'VE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS

pants: FIRST I CHECK FOR THE ADAM'S APPLE THEN I DO THE DOWNSTAIRS CHECKS AND IF THOSE PASS WE'RE GOOD TO GO pants: LOADING 9 BLACK PLASTIC GARBAGE BAGS INTO THE CAR

deuce: LIBERTE, EGALITE, EMPRISONNE deuce: GET IT IT'S BECAUSE OF THE PRISON THEY ALL BUSTED OUT OF deuce: MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF IT ??? IT WAS CALLED THE EIFFEL TOWER deuce: STAY TUNED FOR MORE WRONG HISTORY

deuce: T PANTS IF YOU COULD BE ANY FLIGHT MODE ANNUNCIATION, WHICH ONE WOULD YOU BE pants: T DEUCE I SUCK DICKS DEEP UNDERGROUND WHERE THE ELVES OF THE FOREST CAN'T CATCH ME BLOWING ORCS AND GOBLINS deuce: OBJECTION, NON-RESPONSIVE

spigot: THIS BACKGROUND COLOR FEELS SO GOOD spigot: IT'S LIKE A LATTE WITH STRAWBERRY QUIK spigot: AND THE LIGHTER THE THEME, THE MORE MILLENNIALS FUCK THE FUCK OFF pants: HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING

spigot: IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME AT CLUB TUG YOU HAVE TO TUG

deuce: I THINK IT'S TIME FOR BED pants: GOOD NIGHT FATNUTS spigot: GOOD NIGHT SHITBAG atandt: GOOD NIGHT FUCKFACE net: GOOD NIGHT GAY VITO caveman: UGGGGGH ozone: GOOD NIGHT YOU WEAK SISTER dick: GOOD NIGHT BITCHTITS effigy: GOOD NIGHT YOU BIG FUCKING IDIOT lobster: GOOD NIGHT HEATHEN bung: GOOD NIGHT BABY LOVE U deuce: FUCK ALL OF YOU

spigot: GAY RIGHTS??!?!?!?! WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO JUST PLAIN GAY DICKS

pants: I TAUGHT YOU ALCHEMY

deuce: IF I COULD BE ANY NEUROTRANSMITTER I'D BE ACETYLCHOLINE pants: I SUCK DICK IN THE BATHROOM

deuce: GIVE INTO THE GAY SIDE spigot: I'VE GOT TO GET ORGANIZED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: HONK spigot: OFFICE HUMOR deuce: RRRRRRRRRRRRR

deuce: FLIPS THROUGH PAPERWORK, PAPERS FLY EVERYWHERE, TRIPS ON TANGLED CORDS ON THE FLOOR, SHIT FALLS OUT OF CLOSET

spigot: I'M A HONKEYTONK QUEER!!!!! ON MY WAY TO CLUB COCKALOT!!!!!!!!!! spigot: NOT FUNNY

deuce: AHEM PLEASE LIMIT REPLIES TO ***70*** CHARACTERS AND ***NO TOP POSTING*** deuce: PLEASE ***RETAIN ATTRIBUTIONS*** SO WE CAN SEE CONTEXT AND WHO SAID WHAT deuce: PLEASE ***DUNK YOUR HEAD IN THIS VAT OF MIDGET DIARRHEA*** deuce: WHY MIDGET I DUNNO pants: MARKING ALL READ

deuce: (SQUEAKY, SHEEPISH) deuce: SO WHAT DO YOU SAY ABOUT US MOVING IN TOGETHER deuce: MAYBE WE COULD PLAY TUGBOAT GAMES spigot: WE SHOULD POST A PIC OF US IN THE TUB ON TUMBLR!!!! WITH SUDS spigot: GREETINGS FROM JERKC-- BONEQUEST *BEEP!* deuce: SO GAY IT HURTS deuce: SERIOUSLY IT HURTS spigot: LIKE WE'RE SIBLINGS AND MOM TOOK IT deuce: TOTALLY INNOCENT BUT YET NAKED AND WET AND SOAPY

deuce: :SWEAT_DROPS: pants: EEW deuce: SHUT UP AND HOLD STILL pants: WHY WOULD YOU SPRITZ WATER ON ME deuce: TH-TH-THAT'S N-N-NOT pants: I-IT IS THOUGH??? pants: UNLESS I'VE MISUNDERSTOOD THE NATURE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP OVER THE YEARS I CAN ONLY CONCLUDE YOU WERE SPRITZING ME???

deuce: HOW ABOUT ONE OF YOU GUYS JUST TAKE A CRAP IN MY MOUTH spigot: SMOOSH IT ALL INTO MY MOUTH PLEASE spigot: NO AIR deuce: LET ME CHOKE TO DEATH ON MY OWN SHIT dick: OH JEEZ spigot: WOW, IT'S REALLY PUNCHABLE NUTSACK WEATHER IN HERE BRRRRRRR

spigot: DEPLOYING MY NUTS AS AN INTERNATIONAL POLICE APPARATUS

pants: LET'S ALL PAUSE TO TAKE A SHIT ON THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS pants: SHITTING ON THE ALAMO, THE STATE BIRD, THE SEQUEL TO INDEPENDENCE DAY (IN THEATERS NOW) deuce: INDEPENDENCE DAY: SOME GUY SHIT ALL OVER US pants: IT WAS MOSTLY SOLID AND SMELLED AWFUL deuce: TAGLINE: THE END WAS KIND OF LIQUIDY THOUGH

spigot: THIS GALLUP POLL SAYS I'M FATTER AND GAYER BY +3 deuce: IT'S OVERSAMPLING GAY MALES pants: AND UNDERSAMPLING LESBIANS WHO WANT TO EXPLORE EACH OTHER'S BODIES WITHOUT LIMITATIONS OR SHAME

pants: CONDOM WRAPPERS, EMPTY BEER CANS, CIGARETTE BUTTS, A WILD BUNNY EATING BIRDSEED

deuce: IF YOU USE UNIX FIND(1) TO LOCATE YOUR PORNOGRAPHY........... deuce: YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK !!!11 deuce: WAIT

spigot: WHOA HOLY GOD SHIT FALLING spigot: BONK spigot: I'M OKAY PEOPLE JUST A MINOR ACCIDENT spigot: WOAH HOLY GOD AGAIN ALREADY HANG ON HOLY JESUS spigot: BONK BONK BONK spigot: OKAY JUST SOME STAIRS

net: I'M GOING TO PUT UP WEB PAGES ABOUT HOW I'M REALLY EVERY GIRL'S DREAM GUY BUT THEY ALL JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS net: THEN I WILL SIT AT HOME AND CONTEMPLATE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO TOUCH A BREAST net: I THINK I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD SIMULATION WITH THIS BIKE HELMET

pants: ANOTHER WORLD pants: ANOTHER TIME pants: IN AN AGE OF WONDER AND PROMISCUOUS HOMOSEXUAL SEX

spigot: I'D LIKE A HAMBURGER AND LARGE FAGS spigot: ALSO SOME SPICY MINTED PICKLED QUEERS

pants: WE COULD BE WIENER BUDDIES deuce: *WE ALREADY ARE* pants: HOW DID THIS HAPPEN deuce: *LOOK DOWN*

spigot: FOLKS A HAM RADIO OPERATOR IN SAN ANSELMO JUST ADMITTED TO FEELING .. spigot: .. AND I QUOTE .. spigot: "A LITTLE CHATTY" spigot: ALSO 2HR 35 MIN REMAINING ON MY PORN TORRENT

pants: THE PANTS MANAGEMENT BLOG deuce: THE DEUCE LEADERSHIP SUMMIT spigot: SPIGOT IN REPOSE hanford: DIARRHEA

ozone: UP YOURS net: T OZONE MINE OR SOMEONE ELSE'S ozone: I THINK WE CAN GET IT ALL UP YOU IF WE TRY REALLY HARD net: BECAUSE IF YOU MEAN MINE I THINK "DOWN YOURS" IS MORE APPROPRIATE

pants: I AM CHECKING THE PYTHON/TK FAQ BUT I SEE NOTHING ABOUT YOUR ARM BEING ALL THE WAY UP THERE deuce: MAYBE CHECK AGAIN

effigy: I FIGURED OUT THE LADYBOY SPAM BANNERS...... effigy: I CLICKED THROUGH ONCE AND THEY KEEP TRACK effigy: JUST LIKE HOW I ACCIDENTALLY CLICKED ON THOSE BANNERS FOR HEMORRHOIDS AND GINGIVITIS effigy: AND THE BOY SCOUTS deuce: `THIS CONVERSATION IS BEING RECORDED FOR QUALITY PURPOSES`

spigot: NOTE TO MYSELF: SUCK DICK

deuce: :BEE: spigot: A ALWAYS B BEE C BEE pants: FULLY PLAYING WITH HIMSELF

deuce: LUV U pants: LUV U MORE pants: HIDING UNDERNEATH THE OUTHOUSE, WAITING FOR PAYLOAD TO ARRIVE pants: AND I FOR ONE pants: HUHHHHHHH *FOOMPH* AIRLOCK deuce: UNCONSCIOUSNESS IN 10-15 SECONDS, DEATH IN MINUTES

spigot: PLEASE STRENGTHEN MY EASTERN FLANK

pants: T DEUCE I HAVEN'T LEFT THE HOUSE ALL WEEK DO I WIN A PRIZE (OR GET A MEDAL OR SOMETHING) deuce: T PANTS WE'RE ALL TRAVELLING THROUGH TIME AT A CONSTANT RATE OF ONE SECOND PER SECOND deuce: NOW WILL YOU PLEASE GIVE ME A HANDJOB (NO INSTRUCTION REQUIRED) pants: PUTTING ON MY HULK HANDS

spigot: THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS LOOK UNVAXXED

pants: WHY CAN'T WE QUIT OUR JOBS deuce: YES pants: GET A VAN deuce: YES pants: DRIVE AROUND deuce: YES pants: SOLVE MYSTERIES deuce: YES pants: AND SUCK DICKS ALONG THE WAY deuce: Y-- NO deuce: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

spigot: IS THERE A DONGLE OR DEVICE THAT CONVERTS PIZZA INTO DIARRHEA

pants: MAYBE JUST PUT ME IN A SACK AND DROWN ME IN THE RIVER pants: JUST SAYIN' deuce: HOW ABOUT I PUT YOU ON AN ICE FLOE AND PUSH YOU OUT TO SEA pants: SURE, SURE pants: IT'S ALL GOOD pants: WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT WE'RE SHOWING PROGRESS

pants: AND THEN SUDDENLY 25 YEARS HAD PASSED pants: EH WHAT YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP I'M A LITTLE OLD MAN IN THIS YEAR OF THE LORD 2023 deuce: KYS pants: CELEBRATION IN THE FORM OF BONEQUEST.FM 24/7 FROM 8/17 TO 8/24 + BONEQUEST.GG NOW AVAILABLE FOR PLAY pants: PLAYING WITH MY GRANDCHILDREN IN THE TOMATO GARDEN, HAVING A HEART ATTACK, SLUMPING TO THE GROUND spigot: MY FAITH-BASED PENIS

pants: GOD BLESS THIS MESS (ON MY FACE) pants: LORD JESUS IT DRIPPED ONTO MY SHIRT COLLAR pants: SURE HOPE WE CAN SHOUT IT OUT deuce: CAN WE LET IT ALL OUT THOUGH pants: I COULD DO WITHOUT THAT (KEEPING THE SPURT IN PLAY) deuce: COME ON deuce: I'M TALKING TO YOU deuce: COME ON pants: SIGH ALL RIGHT (UNDRESSING)

deuce: PRESS HERE TO START spigot: LINUS TUCK TIPS

deuce: LEAKING JOCK GETS MACHINE FUCKED pants: CALL TO ADVENTURE deuce: PINCH HERE TO MAKE YOUR D*CK HARD-AS-A-ROCK pants: ORDEAL deuce: <BLOCKQUOTE>GAY</BLOCKQUOTE> pants: VICTORY

deuce: CAN I CHEW YOU UP AND THEN SWALLOW YOU AND THEN DIGEST YOU AND THEN POOP YOU OUT AND THEN REASSEMBLE YOU (TOOTHPICKS, PAPER CLIPS, SPIT) AND THEN REPEAT deuce: OR IS THAT TOO 1997 pants: YEAH THINKING YAHOO HOME PAGE deuce: LOTS OF TABLES

spigot: MY REAR END IS SENDING ME PUSH NOTIFICATIONS

pants: WE'RE GONNA SUCKER PUNCH SO MANY TERFS pants: BAM POW ZAP TAKE THAT "LADY"

spigot: INTRODUCING THE BONEQUEST SOURDOUGH STARTER: PARKING-LOT-SOCK.JPG

pants: NO HIPPIE CHICKS pants: ALSO NO FAT CHICKS pants: NO CRUNCHY GRANOLA CHICKS EITHER pants: MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST DRAFT A BLANKET RULE ON THIS ONE deuce: HOISTED ON MY OWN RETARD [SIC]

deuce: YOU ARE ALL TEXTBOOK UNEMPLOYABLE

spigot: WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY TO THE CHERRY PIE spigot: HOW ARE YOU FILLING spigot: WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY TO THE CARROT CAKE spigot: YOU'RE DUMB AND ALSO GROSS

spigot: MY FAKE CANCER IS BACK pants: ARE YOU GONNA BE OKAY deuce: MOVE THE MOUSE spigot: YOU CAN PUSH A PENIS THROUGH MY REAR END AND OUT MY MOUTH IF YOU FOLD ME LIKE A PIECE OF PAPER deuce: DEMONSTRATING A WORMHOLE WITH A PENCIL AND A PINUP POSTER BUT IT'S A PENIS AND YOUR ALIMENTARY CANAL

spigot: ALL THE DICKS YOU'VE EVER LICKED SUSPENDED IN A SUNBEAM

deuce: FWD: THE ULTIMATE CURE FOR URINATION FREQUENCY AT NIGHT pants: WHAT'S WRONG WITH OLD WHITE DICKS deuce: LIMP deuce: WRINKLY pants: ALSO: POKING

spigot: FARTMANAGER TIMED OUT spigot: THE SALTS, SUGARS AND FATS MY 50+ YEAR OLD BODY NEEDS spigot: TRY THAT IN A HITLER HAD JUST ONE BALL TOWN

pants: WHAT ABOUT THE PORNO VERSION pants: I'M A THOUGHT LEADER pants: AN INFORMATION ARCHITECT pants: I CAN BEAT OFF FOREVER deuce: BUT ARE YOU AN INFLUENCER pants: LORDY NO deuce: THEN BEAT ME OFF, NON-INFLUENCER

deuce: :NOTES: FLY ME / TO THE MOON AND LET ME PLAY / AMONG THE BALLS 🎵 pants: THOSE AREN'T THE RIGHT LYRICS

spigot: :100: PENISES IN :100: DAYS CHALLENGE spigot: THE PRIZE IS 1 PENIS

spigot: WHY CAN'T YOU SUPPORT INDIGENOUS PEOPLES WITHOUT BEATING THEM OFF deuce: BUT THEY'RE SO HANDSOME

spigot: DID MULDER SERIOUSLY NEVER LOOK INTO THE Y FILES

deuce: I HAVE A SEVERE CASE OF THE BENDS deuce: MEANING I'LL BEND OVER FOR ANYONE pants: NOW YOU KNOW MY POSITION ON MONOGAMY

spigot: I WISH SOMEONE WOULD PULL MY PORK

deuce: WORDS FORM IN MY HEAD AND I TYPE THEM HERE deuce: FOR THAT I APOLOGIZE deuce: USE THE CODE `BONEQUEST2023` AT CHECKOUT FOR 15% OFF ALL FRESH DILDOS

spigot: I SURE WISH I COULD LIVE A LONG LONG LONG TIME

pants: BA-GURRRK HEAD CHOPPED OFF :CHICKEN: :AXE: spigot: HIGH VELOCITY PUDDING SPLATTER ALL OVER MY SHIRT PANTS AND FACE spigot: TELL-TALE PATTERN ON THE CEILING INDICATING THE SPOON WAS MOVING UP AND DOWN RAPIDLY deuce: COOKIE AVAILABILITY IS LOW SO THE WOODCHIPPER MUST RELY ON PUDDING spigot: I'M ON A FIXED INCOME SO MAYBE ONE DICK A WEEK

pants: DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT TIME IN THE TOILET deuce: WHICH TIME (CAN YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC)

spigot: NO I WOULD NOT CARE FOR A GROAT CAKE

spigot: WOULD YOU LIKE FRESH PEAR SLICES ON YOUR PIZZA pants: YES PLEASE AND SOME OF THE SPIKY BALLS THAT FALL FROM TREES

pants: MULTIPLE REDUNDANT BREADSTICKS

pants: NORMALIZE FARTING OVER ZOOM spigot: EARLIER THIS QUARTER WE TOUCHED ON YOU EATING YOUR LOSER WAD FOR MY BIG FAKE TITS spigot: HAS THE NEEDLE MOVED ON THAT AT ALL

pants: SHAKE / SHAKE SHAKE IT LIKE A RATTLESNAKE BOOM BOOM BEATING OFF IN A ZOOM clark: PANTS, GOOD MORNING. CLARKITY CLARK HERE FROM RECRUITMENT RECRUITING HOW WE DOIN' TODAY clark: MAJORLY COOL OPPORTUNITIES IN YUBA CITY THIS WEEK TESTING H-P PRINTER DRIVERS WITH ADOBE FONTS. I SEE ON YOUR RESUME LOTS OF C ++ HOW'S YOUR C ++ clark: HOW ARE YOU WITH CYBER SECURITY? FRESNO NEEDS ADMINISTRATORS. AND SANTA ROSA'S ALWAYS WHERE IT'S AT FOR PYTHON AND PHP. CAN YOU LIFT ROUGHLY 50 POUNDS clark: CLARKITY CLARK HERE RECRUITMENT RECRUITING DID I CATCH YOU AT A GOOD TIME

pants: ACCUSED OF BEATING OFF IN VALLEJO WHEN I WAS ACTUALLY BEATING OFF IN WALNUT CREEK spigot: :NOTES: UP :NOTES: :NOTES: TOWN :NOTES: :NOTES: FARTS :NOTES: spigot: :NOTES: I PUT MY :NOTES: :NOTES: PENIS IN YOUR :NOTES: :NOTES: MEYER LEMON TARTS :NOTES:

pants: ZZZ ZZZ ZZZZZ Z ZZZ ZZZZZ ZZZ ZZ ZZ ZZ ZZZZZ Z ZZZ ZZZZ ZZZ pants: ZZ ZZ ZZZZZ Z ZZZ ZZZZ ZZZZZZZZ pants: ZZZZZ ZZ ZZZZZ ZZZ ZZ ZZ ZZ ZZZZZ ZZZ ZZ Z clark: HOW'S YOUR OLAP

deuce: THAT DIARRHEA BLAST WAS SO POWERFUL IT STUCK TO THE SIDE OF THE BOWL EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BELOW THE WATER LEVEL AFTER FLUSHING deuce: ALSO I NEARLY SHIT MYSELF BUT NOT QUITE!!! deuce: HANG ME FROM THE LAMPPOSTS AS AN EXAMPLE TO OTHERS

spigot: T DEUCE DO U STILL LIKE THE SPRITE IN ME :CUP_WITH_STRAW: deuce: FMMITA

spigot: HI I'M SPIGOT AND THIS IS MY STUDIO APARTMENT ON VALLEY GREEN DRIVE WHERE I LIVE WITH FIVE OTHER NET-SAVVY MULTIMEDIA PROFESSIONALS

deuce: :FORTUNE_COOKIE: TODAY YOU WILL GET _GANG RAPED_ spigot: DID YOU MEAN _GROUP HUGGED_ deuce: IT'S A SPECIAL HUG

spigot: ON ANDROID PHONES THE BROADCASTIFY APP SOMEHOW MAINTAINS A SECOND AUDIO STREAM SO YOU CAN LISTEN TO THE CLEVELAND METRO HOUSING AUTHORITY AND PIPE ORGAN CIRCUS MUSIC

pants: LISTEN UP pants: THERE IS A STORM COMING pants: HUALHAULGHLUAGHLAHGLHALUGAG

spigot: THAT STALL OVER THERE IS THE FAT PEOPLE STALL (AKA THE BLUBBER BUS)

pants: BANANA SEATS AND SISSY BARS spigot: MY PENIS LOST A MICHELIN STAR

pants: WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THOSE PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN YOU WERE GONNA GET ME deuce: BUSY pants: CORNERING YOU, FORCING YOU TO JACK ME OFF deuce: NOT POSSIBLE, WE'RE ON DIFFERENT PLANETS NOW

spigot: PLEASE PASS THE VEGAN APPLE PRUNECAKE spigot: OH DEAR I DROPPED IT AND STEPPED ALL OVER IT AND GOT PIZZA HUT spigot: :MANS_SHOE: ONE MORE SMOOSH BECAUSE FUCK YOU

deuce: WHERE THERE'S A WIL THERE'S A GAY deuce: (A GUY NAMED WIL)

maynard: HIYA FRIEND maynard: HOW WE DOIN' TODAY deuce: TAKE IT OFF maynard: NOT SURE I FOLLOW 100% deuce: TAKE THE GODDAMN SUIT OFF maynard: THE WHAT deuce: TAKE OFF THE COSTUME clark: CLARKITY CLARK HERE WITH RECRUITMENT RECRUITING HOW'S YOUR FRIDAY deuce: SUCK A GODDAMN COCK MADE OUT OF SHIT clark: GOT SOME GIGS AT WESTERN DIGITAL IN SAN JOSE IF YOU KNOW WHERE THAT IS ARE YOU READY TO SHAPE THE FUTURE OF STORAGE

atandt: GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN deuce: AGREED

dick: HOW MUCH COCK CAN A COCKSUCKER SUCK IF A COCKSUCKER COULD SUCK COCK? dick: ANSWER: ME.

spigot: I HOPE THIS EMAIL FINDS YOU FAT

spigot: ITS FACIAL FRIDAY ON SPUNKSITES IF YOU HAVE A SPUNKPASS pants: I ONLY HAVE ALL-ANAL ACCESS spigot: L

spigot: I SAID: I WISH SOMEONE WOULD PULL MY PORK

effigy: BONER PILLS spigot: LISA NEEDS BRACES effigy: BONER PILLS spigot: LISA NEEDS BRACES effigy: BONER PILLS spigot: LISA NEEDS BRACES effigy: LISA PILLS spigot: BRACES NEED BONERS effigy: BRACES PILLS spigot: LISA NEEDS BONERS effigy: I KNEW IT

pants: DO YOU THINK A.I. CAN ANALYZE MY PENIS IN REAL TIME deuce: YES BUT YOU WON'T LIKE THE RESULT

pants: T SPIGOT HAVE YOU PUBLISHED ANY ADDITIONAL RESEARCH AROUND WHAT OTHER HOSTESS PRODUCTS CAN BE FROZEN AND WHETHER THEY TASTE BETTER deuce: HO HOS YOU FOOL pants: HOW CAN YOU SEE MY PRIVATE T'S deuce: [HISSING NOISES]

spigot: WHERE'S HOMOCOP WITH MY 15 SECONDS TO COMPLY

spigot: SUNNYVALE GOLFLAND USA YOUR SILENCE IS DEAFENING RE: ISRAEL