pants: JACK ME OFF deuce: JACK ME OFF PLANET deuce: A WHOLLY-OWNED SUBSIDIARY OF JACKOFF PLANET pants: AVOIDING COMPETITION WITH SIMILAR-SOUNDING NAMES deuce: THEY'RE ATTEMPTING TO CORNER THE MARKET pants: AND THAT'S FAIR IF THEY'RE SPENDING THE MONEY ON TRADEMARKS AND LAWYERS pants: BUT FOR 90 YEARS MY FAMILY HAS BEEN SELLING GOODS UNDER THE MARK `JACK OFF PLANET` AND I'M WORRIED deuce: BUT WHEN THE CONGLOMERATE MOVED IN AND STARTING SELLING SERVICES UNDER THAT MARK YOU DIDN'T DEFEND YOUR TRADEMARK SO NOW YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LITIGATE IT AND YOU'LL PROBABLY LOSE

pants: are you sure sucking them all off (in a row) is the right thing to do??? deuce: I never said any su-- (trails off, pause) yep pants: do i have to wear this hood deuce: only if you (trails off, pause) welcome to Wal-Mart pants: grabass.exe deuce: FeloniousSexualContact.app

pants: I'M SORRY FOR ALL THE DINOSAURS pants: ME SO SCREAMY SHOUT pants: I NEED YOU TO HOLD STILL I CAN'T GET OUT FROM UNDER THE SINK WITHOUT YOUR HELP (OKAY, HERE WE GO)

pants: I'M GOING TO BE IN THE GLORY HOLE OLYMPICS spigot: GO FOR THE GOLD pants: RUN FOR THE ROSES

pants: T R A N N YV I S I O N deuce: HEY CHECK OUT MY DICK: :FLAMINGO:

pants: i want to be a woman spigot: unsubscribe pants: are you sure you want to unsubscribe from trannypants season 1 spigot: yes i would like to unsubscribe pants: no problem, it will take 7-10 business days spigot: fine pants: ... spigot: ... pants: Trannypants now streaming on Netflix, Amazon Prime

spigot: FOR THE LAST TIME I DID NOT USE YOUR TOWEL

atandt: OM atandt: OM HUALGHLAHGULAHULAG atandt: OM

atandt: IS THIS YOUR ISSUE OF ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN pants: I DON'T ALWAYS EJACULATE WHEN GRANDMA GOES DOWN ON ME AND FOR THIS REASON I CANNOT SAY atandt: DID YOU SLIP A BADLY RETARDED, POORLY DRAWN NOTE UNDER MY DOOR pants: I CAN'T EVEN GET HARD SMOKING CRACK IN CHURCH atandt: "DEAR JERKCITY, WORK-STOPPAGE UNTIL I KNOW MARY-JANE IS SAFE, LOVE PANTS" pants: THE GOBLIN TOOK HER

pants: THE POO BUCKET IS FULL deuce: WHATEVER YOU DO,DON'T EMPTY IT deuce: (BECAUSE THEN IT WILL NO LONGER BE FULL) pants: IF I TRANSFER THE CONTENTS TO ANOTHER BUCKET WILL YOU PLEASE WATCH ME BEAT OFF ON CAM

pants: GET READY GET SET AND SUCK pants: I KNOW HOW GAY YOU PEOPLE ARE SO STOP TRYING TO HIDE IT PLEASE pants: YOUR MOUSTACHERY AND LEATHERWEARERY ARE SO TRANSPARENT

deuce: TOUCHING WANGS pants: TRANSPORTER ACCIDENTS deuce: DEFORMED DICKS pants: SQUIRT THEM WITH LIGHTER FLUID AND BURN THEM DOWN deuce: HAIRSPRAY AND A LIGHTER pants: NAPALM STICKS TO LITTLE GIRLS

deuce: T PANTS I'M THE FAG WITH THE GAS pants: T DEUCE TRAP IT IN A GARBAGE BAG AND I WILL BE RIGHT OVER

spigot: AIDS ?!?!?!?!?!?!?! deuce: AIDS ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! spigot: PRETEND I'M PAUL FROM THE DIAMOND CENTER AND YOU NEED CREDIT AND I SPURT IN YOUR FACE deuce: NO (T SPIGOT WHAT TIME AND WHERE) spigot: PRETEND I'M TOM SHANE OF THE SHANE COMPANY AND YOU NEED ME TO GO TO ANTWERP, BELGIUM AND BE PROACTIVE WITH MY FACE AND NUTS deuce: NO (T SPIGOT SERIOUSLY WHAT FUCKING TIME)

pants: I'M A TRAP deuce: USING YOU TO CAPTURE RODENTS, SNAKES pants: I AM NOT REALLY THAT EFFECTIVE

spigot: WHO THREW MY PISSICLES IN THE TRASH CAN

katrina: WHAT'S THIS IN MY INBOX? pants: OH GOD YOU SCARED ME katrina: >> AFRICAN TREE FROGS FOR SALE pants: INDEED MADAME, I AM SELLING ALL MY AFRICAN TREE FROGS katrina: WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME? pants: BECAUSE YOU'RE ON MY AFRICAN TREE FROG MAILING LIST!!! katrina: WHO PUT ME THERE? pants: I DID katrina: WELL I'D APPRECIATE YOU NOT SPAMMING ME ANY FURTHER !!!! katrina: GOOD DAY SIR pants: GOOD DAY pants: SUBJECT: $$$$$ AMERICA IS K-RAZY FOR TREE FROGS $$$$$$$$

pants: I’M TRY-SEXUAL!!!!!! BECAUSE I’M A CONVICTED PEDOPHILE deuce: GET IT??? I **TRY-ED** EVERYTHING AND PAID THE PRICE OF INCARERATION AND HAVING TO REGISTER WHENEVER I MOVE BETWEEN STATES pants: JACKOFF POLICE pants: I JUST HAD SURGERY AND I’M NOT ALLOWED TO SUCK ANY SWEATY BROWN DICKS

spigot: WHEN I CLICKED FOR MY TRIAL ISSUE OF YAHOO INTERNET LIFE I DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO BE DELIVERED STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH WITH YOUR BONER (THOSE ANTICS ARE EXACTLY WHY I HOPE TO SOMEDAY LEAVE AOL) pants: NETCOM IS NO BETTER LET ME TELL YOU

deuce: WHEN I JERK OFF I FEEL GOOD FOR ABOUT TWENTY SECONDS AND THEN WHAM IT'S RIGHT BACK INTO SUICIDAL DEPRESSION

pants: JUST TOOK A HUGE SHIT AND I FEEL BETTER NOW pants: ASK ME ANYTHING spigot: WOULD YOU LIKE MORE PANCAKES pants: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A TRICK QUESTION

pants: do all girls like having their dicks sucked or was i tricked again deuce: wait are we deuce: checks books, types things into an adding machine, writes down shit with pencil deuce: nope that checks out

pants: ARE YOU A WIENER DOG pants: ARE YOU pants: TRIGGER WARNING: FOG HORNS

atandt: VOTE DONG atandt: I KEEP PRAYING FOR THE DAY THE BONEQUEST PORTCULLIS RAISES TO REVEAL MY GAYNESS deuce: HONK WUH DUH atandt: SHOUTS: THAT'S A TRIPLE WORD SCORE

pants: JIFFY PISS deuce: PUFFY TITS pants: THEN I DREAMED I WAS DRIVING A 1958 TRIUMPH TR-3 AROUND IN LONDON AND ALL I'M WEARING IS COLORFUL UNDEROOS BUT I CAN'T QUITE MAKE OUT WHICH CARTOON CHARACTER IT IS AND I'M DRIVING AND I'M DRUNK deuce: T PANTS I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO HAD THAT DREAM

pants: "TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM" deuce: "YOU ARE DEFINITELY GAY" pants: "AIDS IS WHAT YOU HAVE NOW" deuce: "YOLO, HOMO" pants: WE WOULD HAVE BEEN REALLY GOOD AT NAMING TV EPISODES: M.A.S.H., FANTASY ISLAND deuce: WEST WING

spigot: MAYBE THE JURY CAN ASK WHY THERE WERE TROPICAL DRINKS ON THE CRUISE SHIP deuce: I'M INVOKING MY SEVENTH AMENDMENT RIGHT TO BE AN EVEN BIGGER JACKASS AND PUBLIC FAILURE THAN I ALREADY WAS

spigot: WHENEVER THERE'S TROUBLE spigot: URF GUH RUNNING TO THE TOILET

pants: first let me put on this dress spigot: i'm sorry i'm having trouble concentrating and i think maybe it's the dress (that dress) spigot: can we spigot: how about pants: but i spigot: let's maybe can we pause doing the lipstick spigot: i have to take this (hello) walks out of the room pants: the perfect smokey black eyeshadow, lashes to die for

bung: I REALLY THINK THE DICK DISPENSER IS BROKEN pants: TRY THE RED BUTTON bung: IT JUST GOES "CLICK" AND THEN NOTHING pants: I MAY HAVE BURNED IT OUT

spigot: HAVE YOU TRIED TAKING THE PENIS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND PUTTING IT BACK IN AGAIN spigot: TAKE IT OUT AND TRY WAITING 15 SECONDS AND THEN PUT IT BACK IN

atandt: INSERT QUARTER atandt: INSERT ANOTHER QUARTER atandt: PLUG IN MACHINE atandt: KICK MACHINE deuce: SUCK ALL THE DICKS atandt: THAT WORKS

bung: JERKCITY IS REFUSING FTP CONNECTIONS FROM OUTSIDE pants: AND THE INSIDE TOO

spigot: ALL I REMEMBER IS HOW MY ASS AND MOUTH AND LEGS HURT AND THAT IT WAS TRUCK MONTH AT MY NORTHERN CALIFORNIA MAZDA DEALER

deuce: TRUCK REQUIRED FOR TRANSPORT pants: FEELIN' FISTY pants: TRAILS OFF pants: FALLS ASLEEP, DREAMS OF SMOOSHY POO

spigot: trucks and detours and jackhammering at 3am while installing my star on the bonequest walk of fame spigot: F A G F A C E spigot: that wascally wapist

pants: I LICK DICK deuce: 10-4 GOOD BUDDY

deuce: IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING, HOLLOW IT OUT AND FUCK IT

atandt: I FOUND A LIZARD SQUISHED BETWEEN TWO PIECES OF PLYWOOD TODAY

pants: I JUST ATE AN ENTIRE ANGEL FOOD CAKE

spigot: GARK GARK GARK GARK GLK BLK BLTH

pants: DID YOU INVENT ME deuce: NO, BUT I INVENTED A CRUCIAL BIT OF YOU (THE SECOND COOLED CONTAINER THAT MAKES THE STEAM ENGINE TRULY EFFICIENT) pants: WOW

pants: I'M NOT DEFEATED YET pants: OH WAIT YES I AM pants: SCHIZOPHRENIA

spigot: LET'S BE RENAISSANCE FAGS spigot: MY LORD THY FACE IS TRULY JIZZWORTHY deuce: THIS TIME I GET TO BE THE TIMELORD deuce: YOU CAN BE ONE OF THE WOMEN SIDEKICKS spigot: LEELA

pants: TRUNKLOAD OF AUTOMATIC WEAPONS VS HIPPIE ZOMBIE ARMY pants: WHO WINS ???? deuce: THE PLANET pants: YAY!!!!!

pants: do u even kno how 2 jack me off deuce: no pants: well good pants: trust but verify

deuce: I'VE INJECTED YOU WITH TRUTH SERUM pants: ARE YOU SURE (I DON'T FEEL TRUTHY) pants: TAKIN' A SHIT ON FIRST BASE, SECOND BASE, THIRD BASE (UP ALL NIGHT AGAIN) deuce: SORRY THIS IS THE BASEBALL-DIAMOND SHITTING DRUG deuce: HOLD ON (FUMBLES WITH VIALS)

spigot: WELL I DISAGREE spigot: SEND spigot: SEND MESSAGE spigot: TEXT spigot: PORNOGRAPHY spigot: PORNOGRAPHY ON SCREEN spigot: PUT PORNOGRAPHY ON THE PORNOGRAPH spigot: SEND DICK PIC

dick: T PANTS YOU CANNOT PETITION THE LORD WITH DICKS pants: HOW ABOUT CITY HALL

spigot: TRY AS I MIGHT I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN AWAY THESE COCKS spigot: I'LL JUST CHALK IT UP TO INEXPERIENCE spigot: MY MOUTH IS SORE, YES, BUT I'LL HAVE NO MORE CURIOSITY ABOUT THIS BIZARRE COVER-UP spigot: ALSO MY MOUTH IS NOT A COIN-OP spigot: I'M NOT ON HERE FOR MY HEALTH YOU DUMB FUCKS spigot: ARRRRRR I'M PEG-LEG PETE spigot: ALL RIGHT PANSY PETE spigot: DOWN AND OUT IN JERKCITY

spigot: I'M GOING TO HOPE SHE DOESN'T TAKE MY MAN JUST BECAUSE SHE CAN pants: MAYBE IF WE ASK NICELY

pants: I SMELL OF BLEACH

spigot: T DEUCE IF I WERE YOUR "DADDY" I WOULD HIT YOUR MOTHER REGARDLESS OF ANY OTHER GAY THEMES deuce: T SPIGOT THAT SOUNDS FAIR spigot: KNOW WHAT ELSE I LIKE?!?!?!!?!? BIG DICKS!!!!!!! deuce: FAG spigot: SMALL DICKS!!!!!!!!11111 TRYING

spigot: LS -AL spigot: TRYING AGAIN spigot: LS -LA

pants: CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK pants: STUPID BELL pants: CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK

deuce: URURURUR deuce: WHO'S UP FOR MY GANGBANGING pants: ARE WE TRYING FOR ANY PARTICULAR RECORDS TODAY

spigot: THESE SLACKS ARE TIGHT spigot: WIGGLE YOUR TOE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD spigot: YOU ARE HURTING ME deuce: STOP WITH THE KICKING

pants: DOES THIS COWBOY HAT MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A TOTAL HOMO deuce: SHORT ANSWER, NO, LONG ANSWER, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO pants: WHAT ABOUT THIS COWMAN HAT deuce: A LITTLE GAY, NOT TOTAL GAY pants: WHAT IF I MAKE THIS FACE deuce: PRETTY GAY, STILL NOT TOTAL GAY

spigot: TRYING TO FIST MYSELF AND FAILING spigot: TRYING AGAIN spigot: SOME SUCCESS

spigot: YAY FOR SPIGOT spigot: TIDDLY IDDLY HUP BUP spigot: TAPPA DAPPA DUMP spigot: TRYING TO FIT IN spigot: {{{{{{{{ BYE TO ALL MY ONLINE FRIENDS FOREVER }}}}}}}}}

pants: I WAS **NOT** "MOLESTING" THE BOY I WAS TRYING TO HELP HIM PUT HIS SHORTS BACK ON AND GET HIS COCK OUT OF MY MOUTH pants: JESUS CHRIST YOU PEOPLE SURE ARE FUCKING TOUCHY ABOUT YOUR KIDS pants: THEY CAN RUN AROUND THE SUPERMARKET AND PLAY BUT WAH WAH WAH IF I [REDACTED] JUST ONE OF THEM

SPIGOT: GURGLING PANTS: BURGLING AS WELL I HOPE DEUCE: ALGHALGHALGHALG HALHALGHLAHGLAHGLAHLAGALH (TRYING TO HELP BUT FAILING) PANTS: HULAGHALUGHLUAGH LAHGLHAGLHALGHLAG (APPRECIATING THE EFFORT)

spigot: LOWERING OURSELVES IN THROUGH THE BATHROOM SKYLIGHT pants: TRYING TO TAKE A SHIT HERE spigot: GOOD DAY TO YOU

spigot: I AM OPENING A LARGE-SIZE TSING-TAO deuce: PLEASE GO EASY ON IT (IT WILL ONLY GET ANGRY) spigot: THEIR SLOGAN SHOULD BE A CHINAMAN W/STRAW HAT: spigot: TSING TAO ?!?!?!? AND HAO !!!!!!!!

spigot: IT'S ALWAYS GIMME GIMME WITH FLOOD VICTIMS spigot: MMM URF SNICKERS spigot: MMMM HOMPH BOMPH THREE MUSKETEERS spigot: HUGHGHGHGHG FISTFULLS OF SKITTLES spigot: BUH MORE TWIX MUH BUH COOKIE CRUNCH

spigot: NO WAY IS THAT FRUIT ROLLED UP INTO A TUBE pants: YES WAY pants: FUCKING STUFFING IT INTO YOUR MOUTH pants: VERY UPSET HERE

deuce: WHO WANTS TO PLAY THE CUNT GAME pants: SHOOT THEM ALL deuce: MY ASS IS BLEEDING CHECK IT OUT (DROP PANTS, TURN AROUND, MOON) pants: OR WAVE IT AROUND A LITTLE deuce: DINGALINGALING pants: HELL JUST SHOW 'EM IT'S TUCKED INTO YOUR BELT

uncredited woman: OH GOD JUST TAKE MY PURSE DON'T RAPE ME pants: WHAT THE FUCK YOU TOTAL BITCH I JUST WANT A LIGHT

deuce: [CUT TO CLOCK ON THE WALL, HANDS SPINNING LIKE CRAZY] deuce: [CUT TO THE DEUCE IN A PILE OF HIS OWN VOMIT AND PISS, TUESDAY EVENING] deuce: UH WHAT WHERE WHAT DID I MISS deuce: FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST HELP ME I HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM deuce: [CURTAIN]

atandt: TOOT TOOT pants: MAKE WAY FOR TUGBOAT

spigot: HUH GLUHDUH pants: ARE YOU OKAY ?!? DO YOU REQUIRE ASSISTANCE ?!?!?! TUG MY BALLS ONCE FOR YES TWICE FOR NO spigot: TUG TUG TUG TUG TUG TUG TUG TUG TUG TUG spigot: OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW pants: I DON'T KNOW MORSE CODE

pants: TOOT TOOT pants: I'M A TUGBOAT deuce: FUCKING YOUR TUGBOAT ASS pants: THAT IS NOT MY PURPOSE pants: I GUIDE LARGER SHIPS TO PORT deuce: IN YOUR TUGBOAT ASS

spigot: PUTTING POO IN THE TUPPERWARE deuce: THAT'S WHAT I USE TO FREEZE MY SQUIGGLIES

atandt: GODDAMNIT HOW DID YOU GET BACK HERE pants: DUMBWAITER

pants: ANYWAY I'LL BET $1 YOU CAN'T BEAT ME OFF pants: I WISH MY NAME WERE HAMISH pants: C'MON pants: TURN AROUND AND I'LL UNZIP YA pants: WHO WANTS TO HELP ME WASH MY HOODIES

pants: MOUSTACHE-RELATED INCIDENTS ON THE RISE pants: THIS IS THE KIND OF SHIT THAT GETS YOU STONED pants: A JERKCITY FACEBOOK GROUP ????????? pants: PUTTING ALL OF YOU IN THE SUSPECTED HOMOSEXUALS COLUMN pants: THIS WILL NOT DO (FOLDS ARMS, POUTS) pants: TOO MUCH GRAVY AT ONCE pants: THIS TIME FOR SURE pants: TURN OFF THE BAT SIGNAL, BOYS, HE'S NOT COMING

atandt: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM spigot: WHAT IS GOING ON IN THERE atandt: CRASH SHATTER BOOM THUMP THUMP WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM pants: SIRS atandt: CLUNK BONK (SILENCE) (STATIC) pants: (GIVES UP) (TURNS OFF RADIO) (BONG NOISES FROM CLOSET)

atandt: SO GUYS -- YES OR NO ON THE GREY TURTLENECK? TOO FAGGY? deuce: IT VERIFIED THAT YOU'RE OLD atandt: SHIT

deuce: I'M GOING TO GET MY NAME LEGALLY CHANGED TO TUX bung: I'M GOING TO STUFF A PLUSH TUX DOLL RIGHT UP YOU! deuce: WELL STUFF SOMETHING FOR CHRIST'S SAKE

spigot: OKAY TV TIME spigot: HERE'S A SHOW CALLED THE DRINKING DRUNK GUY WHO NEVER SHUTS UP WHOSE NAME IS MY DAD spigot: THAT LOOKS GOOD

spigot: GOOD LORD spigot: TWELVE ANGRY MEN WITH AN AGENDA OF CHOKING ME AND GURGLING MY HEAD IN THE CRAPPER

spigot: GOD spigot: GRANT ME THE SERENITY spigot: TO LICK THE DICKS I HAVEN'T LICKED spigot: THE COURAGE spigot: TO LICK THE DICKS I CAN spigot: AND THE WISDOM spigot: TO LICK TWO OR THREE MORE DICKS BEFORE BEDTIME spigot: WELL MY NAME IS SPIGOT AND I'M A BIG DUMB DICKLICKER spigot: I'VE BEEN LICKING DICK SINCE OH I DON'T KNOW spigot: THE START OF THIS MEETING spigot: AND I DEFINITELY COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT THE PROGRAM

spigot: TWENTY PERCENT OFF ALL FAT FARTS AT THE FAG STORE

pants: WE LICK DICK IN THE 21ST CENTURY -- OR 22ND, WHICHEVER IS THE REALLY GAY ONE deuce: NO TALKING pants: I CANNOT LICK DICK AND THINK AT THE SAME TIME deuce: FFFFFFFF deuce: I WANT YOUR HAND TO REPORT TO MY CROTCH AT 2200 HOURS

spigot: ROUGHLY TEN MILLION CALORIES PER DAY spigot: HE SUCKS THE SAME DICK TWICE IN SUCCESSION YET PRODUCES TWO CLEARLY DIFFERENT TONES deuce: THE VERY DEFINITION OF INSANITY

spigot: DO I REALLY WANT TO DEFEND MYSELF USING THE WORD TWINK pants: YOUR TWINK DAYS ENDED IN 1995 pants: I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO TWINKS AFTER THEY GRADUATE pants: I GUESS THEY GET PHDS

pants: ARE YOU IN A WIKIHOLE pants: DO YOU NEED HELP deuce: SHUT UP I'M DOING IMPORTANT RESEARCH pants: GODSPEED LITTLE CHICKEN pants: OPENING MY MOUTH WIDE pants: MAKING HISSING NOISES pants: MAYBE THERE'S A SNAKE INSIDE, MAYBE NOTHING

pants: BONERS LYING TWISTED AND BROKEN ON THE BATTLEFIELD pants: WHAT HAVE WE DONE pants: WHAT HAVE WE DONE

spigot: SO DAD WAS ALL: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?!?!?!?!?!? spigot: AND I WAS ALL: I WANNA SUCK COCK!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: THEN I REALIZED I WANTED TO SAY "I WANNA ROCK" BUT IT WAS TOO LATE spigot: HBLURHLUBHRL

pants: I THOUGHT WE AGREED THE GAMING PC WOULD NOT BE USED FOR BEATING OFF deuce: UNF UNF UNFWE AGREEDNO SUCH THINGUNF UNF UNF pants: 9,000,000 VIEWERS deuce: OH GOD I LEFT TWITCH ON pants: OH WELL UNF UNF UNF deuce: HI EVERYBODY UNF UNF UNF

spigot: DROPPING TWO BALLS OF DIFFERENT WEIGHTS FROM THE SAME HEIGHT WILL STILL HURT spigot: A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME IS UP THE NUTS WITH A HARD KICKY PUNCH spigot: EUREKA THE SCIENTIST SHOUTED WHEN HIS FAT DOPEY ASS DISPLACED WATER FROM THE TUB ALL OVER MY DUMB NUTS AND FACE

pants: WE SHOULD GIVE UP deuce: PULL AND WANK ON IT deuce: IT TURNS YOUR PISS MILKY pants: AND ARRESTY

spigot: GET THE HELL OFF MY DONG (PUNCHING YOU) spigot: HURRR BEING CHASED BY TWO BIG BALLS DOWN A HILL spigot: WHERE CHASED = GETTING TEABAGGED I.E. YOUR NUTS ARE SLAPPING MY FOREHEAD

atandt: I HID A BOMB IN THE COFFEE SHOP SOMEWHERE IN SAN FRANCISCO spigot: I DRINK COFFEE AT HOME pants: *KABOOM* spigot: YOU TRICKED ME (FALLING FROM THE SKY) pants: *KABOOM* spigot: TWO BOMBS?!?!?!?!? (BACK UP IN THE AIR) pants: *KABOOM*

spigot: THE WORLD IS DIVIDED INTO TWO CATEGORIES: THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN STERILIZED AND THINGS THAT ARE "SUSPICIOUS"