pants: SOMEWHERE BETWEEN "NICELY TOASTED" AND "FIGHTING WITH COPS" pants: OH HI I'M PANTS pants: AND YOU'RE READING JERKCITY

pants: WHAT'S THAT IN MY LOWER INTESTINE pants: OH IT'S YOU pants: WELCOME HOME

deuce: I JACK OFF COPS

atandt > this is bonequest atandt > a land full of enchantment and wonder atandt > but also a land full of danger and intrigue atandt > come with me now atandt > explore these vast untamed lands with me atandt > who knows what adventures we'll have atandt > follow me and we'll see where the path-- pants > surprise !!! cocksucking halghagulahgluahulag

pants: WELCOME TO JERKCITY pants: NEARBY ATTRACTIONS INCLUDE A DIRT LOT AND A STARBUCKS pants: NO HISTORIC STEAM TRAINS RUN ANYWHERE NEAR HERE pants: WATERSLIDE BROKEN pants: NO GHOSTS EITHER pants: YOUR PERSONAL GUESTROOM COMES WITH A CHAMBERPOT pants: MUSIC AND NEWS OVER AM, FM BANDS (REQUIRES RECEIVER) pants: FREE PARKING pants: PARK IT AND LOCK IT -- NOT RESPONSIBLE pants: NO FISHING pants: CHIEF EXPORTS INCLUDE HEALTH-CARE PROFESSIONALS AND CLEAN TOWELS pants: SHOWTIME pants: NO TRIPLE-A DISCOUNT pants: PENSIONERS MUST SHOW ID pants: BATHROOMS CAMERA-FREE SINCE 2001 pants: NO CLEAN TOWELS TODAY pants: MASTURBATION WILL SET YOU FREE pants: ACTUAL CASH VALUE LESS DEDUCTIBLE pants: GOD BLESS THIS MESS (pants): "FAGGOT" pants: NO PAYMENT IS REQUIRED pants: THIS IS NOT A BILL pants: WISH YOU WERE HERE -- LOVE PANTS

: WELCOME TO JERKCITY uncredited stoner: HUGAHLHULGAHULAHGULAHUGLG : GLOBE!

pants: WELCOME TO MONDAY pants: SO FAR I'M NOT SURE I CARE FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: PROGRESS: COLD, STUPID spigot: PASSWORD STRENGTH: FARTS

deuce: WHO WANTS CAKES spigot: WELC0ME T0 MY W0RLD

pants: [UNINTELLIGIBLE WINGDINGS] deuce: IS THIS THE SECRET CODE WE AGREED ON FOR ASSFUCKING FOLLOWED BY MURDER-SUICIDE PACT OR DO YOU MEAN JUST THE NORMAL TRICKING AND TREATING

spigot: PISS BURGER GETTING TERRIBLE REVIEWS spigot: THE BUNS ARE WET

pants: OW OW OW spigot: WELL LADY WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD deuce: THAT LOOKS REALLY PAINFUL !!!! deuce: GLAD I AM SITTING IN THIS CHAIR NOT EXERTING ANY ENERGY pants: THIS IS WHERE I COME IN deuce: I'M CONVERTING FOOD CALORIES INTO ANGER

: LEFT: SPIGOT THE BEAR : RIGHT: DEUCE FROM JERKCITY (DO NOT FEED) deuce: I LOVE HARD COCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bung: DO YOU THINK GOD HAS A BIG DONG deuce: WELL DUH

spigot: JUST TIRED OF WEBCOMICS THAT AREN'T US pants: WELL HERE'S WHAT I THINK: [LASER BEAM CHOPPING OFF HEADS]

deuce: WELL I PIERCED MY DICK BUT THAT DID NOT REPEAT NOT MAKE ME COOL deuce: NOW MY PISS SPRAYS EVERYWHERE

spigot: T NET LET'S SUCK DICK AND NEVER FIGHT AGAIN net: WELL OK IF YOU SHURRRRRRRRRR

ozone: ALSO YOU MY BITCH deuce: WELL OKAY CLIMB ON THEN

spigot: AND NOW JUST ONE QUICK LOL BEFORE LICKING SOME DICKS spigot: _LOL_ spigot: GLKGLKGLKGLK deuce: WELL PLAYED

pants: IS MY FLESH HARAM deuce: ONLY IF YOU'RE NOT SLAUGHTERED PROPERLY pants: WELL THEN

spigot: WILL MY PENIS REPLACE PROGRAMMERS deuce: SURE WISH I COULD SEE PICTURES OF HUNTER BIDEN'S SCHLONG pants: WELL YOU CAN'T

deuce: FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU pants: A WELL ROUNDED FUCK net: WHICH ONE ozone: HE SAID "AND" deuce: WANGS pants: WHO KNOWS HOW TO OPERATE THIS THING pants: NO ORDINARY BALLS

pants: TOP 10 WEIRD USENET THINGS I GOOGLED YESTERDAY WELP BETTER EAT A BURRITO

pants: MY BUCKET LIST pants: IN THAT I SHIT IN BUCKETS YES pants: T DEUCE DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THE PET SHOP BOYS SONG "WEST END GIRLS" deuce: NOPE pants: BECAUSE I DO (ALL THE TIME) pants: "WEST END GIRLS" IS RAP pants: ANYWAY I'M A SEX OFFENDER

deuce: NOW MY CARPET IS WET pants: same

spigot: POURING WET CEMENT THROUGH THE SKYLIGHT OF THE HAM SHACK

spigot: T DEUCE I SEE A MORNING CONFERENCE TABLE WHERE BRIGHTLY-BEAKED 20SOMETHINGS ARE EXCITEDLY PITCHING THEIR IDEAS FOR CONTENT BUT THEN THE DOOR LOCKS AND THE ROOM FILLS UP WITH WET CEMENT

spigot: HELP HELP WE'RE DROWNING spigot: TEN FEET FROM THE BEACH spigot: OH GOD AN INTERNATIONAL DISASTER spigot: WET SOCKS spigot: CREWMEMBERS RACING AGAINST TIME TO DELIVER FINAL DESSERTS AND COFFEE

spigot: PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR...SPIGOT!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM spigot: SQUIRKS spigot: 2 MY PEEPS deuce: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM

pants: WHAT IN THE spigot: SPRACKENZE ****DICKS**** pants: JA, DA spigot: FAGGOT pants: NEIN NEIN spigot: PUNCH POUND WHAP SLAP LASH FENCEPOST BEATINGS FREEZINGS SHOOTINGS AND COMMUNITIES COMING TOGETHER

pants: I JUST NEED YOUR LOCATION WITHIN A 50 MILE RADIUS pants: WHAT pants: OH, NOTHING

spigot: what do you call a gay parking lot?? spigot: a ***lot*** of dicks to suck on

spigot: WHAT TOILET CAM

pants: HEY :look: THESE TWO IDIOTS deuce: WHAT THE HELL :?: A BUNCH OF FAT SHITS pants: YEAH IT'S BEEN DOING THAT SINCE YESTERDAY deuce: RUDE :hey: BACK I WAS JUST KIDDING AROUNDDON'T LEAVE, FATTIES, LOOK I BROUGHT HAMBURGERS ?????

atandt: I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS MOMENT TO SAY WHAT A FINE MOO THIS IS pants: MY XTERM CAUGHT MY FINGERS WHEN I WAS RESIZING IT AND NOW I HURT

spigot: WHAT A GREAT DAY WITH ALL YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I REALLY MEAN THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: F IS FOR FAILURE

pants: SIR I ASKED YOU HOW GAY YOU ARE pants: SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING YOU AS AN APPLICANT pants: GAYNESS: STILL ON THE TABLE pants: SIR THE QUEER ISSUE pants: WAITING HERE FOR YOUR FEEDBACK pants: WHAT A GREAT DAY TO GET HEAD FROM ME pants: NO NEED FOR COMPLICATED PAPERWORK pants: JUST KEEP ME IN THE LOOP

spigot: all these lofts going up spigot: WOW WHAT A GREAT VIEW spigot: nope another loft built up right in front of that spigot: and in front of that spigot: etc etc turtles spigot: right into the marshland so the buildings all start sinking in the same order spigot: and the view is now in the opposite direction

deuce: RAINY DAYS SOMETIMES GET ME DOWN BUT NOT TODAY!!! deuce: TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF THIS WEEK (deuce): I HELPED AN OLD LADY CROSS THE STREET AND IT FELT REALLY GOOD

deuce: I LOVE DICKS PEOPLE spigot: ACCORDING TO JERKCITY MY SPELLING IS EXCELLENT, THEN A LITTLE CARTOON POPS UP ABOUT HOW COOL I AM AND THEN SOMEONE FROM QA COMES OVER TO SUCK MY DICK spigot: WHAT A PRODUCT

spigot: HEY EVERYONE WHAT A SWANK SWINGIN' SCENE THIS IS WITH COCKTAILS AND FANCY TIES spigot: WAIT A MINUTE spigot: HUBRLUBLRHL BJHBLURUBLE THIS IS A GAY PARTY HUBLAUBH spigot: PTH PTHTHTHTH GET OFF ME

deuce: SPLATTERY SHITSQUIRTS pants: YOU CAN SING THAT TO THE TUNE OF ZIPPITY-DOO-DAH 🎵 deuce: `[RACIST]`

spigot: I SAT IN DOGSHIT

spigot: ..............+++++++++++++++ spigot: i put penis on keys (is why so long) all the pluses are from ladies pants: what about the dots spigot: you are under arrest

ozone: VM_EXECUTION_STATE_ON pants: OH NO YOU DON'T ozone: SUNOS SS 5.8 GENERIC_108528-13 SUN4U SPARC pants: QUIT IT ozone: UFS: [ID 845546 KERN.NOTICE] NOTICE: ALLOC: /: FILE SYSTEM FULL pants: I WON'T GO WITHOUT A FIGHT

pants: LAXATIVE ABUSE

spigot: HAVING A SHAQ ATTACK OVER HERE PEOPLE spigot: NO WAIT spigot: A MAC ATTACK deuce: T SPIGOT PLEASE TAKE YOUR "ATTACKS" ELSEWHERE SINCE YOU'RE CLEARLY JUST LOOKING FOR ATTENTION

spigot: LET ME JERK OFF ALREADY deuce: GOD CHRIST IN HEAVEN I SPILLED MY SEED ON THE FLOOR deuce: I MISSED THE FUCKING THING ALTOGETHER deuce: FUCKING FUCK spigot: I DON'T LIKE TO WASTE MY SEED I WANT KIDS deuce: I'D BETTER JOIN A CHURCH AND DO MY PART TO HELP WITH OVERPOPULATION deuce: PLUS I'D RATHER JERK OFF INTO A WOMAN pants: I STORE SEED IN MY CHEEKS FOR WINTER pants: SLURP deuce: EXTRA SEED FOR ME SCORE pants: WE'RE ALL GOING TO FUCKING DIE deuce: WHY CAN'T I DO ANYTHING RIGHT TODAY

deuce: MAN, WHAT AN IDIOT spigot: I'LL SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!

spigot: T PANTS WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO FIGHT FASCISM, I'M HOLDING A BALLOON

spigot: WHERES MY `GODDAMN` BQ STRIP spigot: WHAT ARE YOU DOING STEPBROTHER spigot: OH YOU'RE AVA DEVINE

deuce: WHOO pants: I CAN FEEL YOU deuce: I'M IN YOU deuce: SO I'M NOT SURPRISED YOU CAN pants: DOWN THE HATCH

bung: AWFUL QUIET IN HERE bung: WHAT ARE YOU KIDS UP TO deuce: GALHAGLHALGH

spigot: I'M A 45-YEAR-OLD MAN WHO'S ANGERED BY SPAM!!! WHAT CAN I DO??? spigot: I'M A USELESS HOUSEWIFE WHO'D LIKE TO GET A WEB PAGE!!! WHAT CAN I DO??? spigot: I'M A GRAD STUDENT WHO'D LIKE TO BRING EMAIL TO THIRD-WORLD CULTURES. WHAT CAN I DO??? spigot: DO THESE PEOPLE EXIST

deuce: I have to pee deuce: what do I do what do I do spigot: i'm worried if the buy now button isn't a .swf people won't know to click on it

deuce: PEOPLE OF EARTH HELLO pants: WHAT DO WE WANT pants: DICK pants: WHEN DO WE WANT IT pants: MOUTH deuce: T PANTS SOMEHOW THAT CHANT HAS LOST SOME OF ITS APPEAL

spigot: SHE'S ALL "WHAT DO YOU DO" spigot: AND I'M ALL "JERKCITY, BABY" spigot: THEN I HUMPED HER FACE FOR HALF AN HOUR

pants: T DEUCE WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE A DEAD FAGGOT deuce: UNINTERESTING deuce: I MEAN I'M NOT A FAGGOT pants: WHAT DO YOU SEE ON THE OTHER SIDE

deuce: WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A PRETTY GIRL SAYS SHE'S VERSATILE

spigot: SAID NO ONE ******EVER****** spigot: NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: WAIT WHAT DOES THAT ADD UP TO spigot: SURELY THE EXTRA EXCLAMATION POINTS LEND MORE NEGATIVE POTENTIAL ENERGY TO THE "NOT" spigot: I'M TRYING TO UNTANGLE MY HEADPHONES spigot: KNOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: PRESS DEBIT OR CREDIT

pants: what say you and me trade horses deuce: what does that even mean pants: it's what the script says

spigot: WHAT DREAMS MAY COME spigot: AND GOD BLESS GRANDMA spigot: AND GOD BLESS GRANDPA spigot: AND HURRRRRRK AND GLLLLK AND BLOWJOBS

atandt: YOU JUST CRASHED MY TERMINAL atandt: ALSO I'M JIZZY deuce: WHAT ELSE IS FUCKING NEW atandt: ONE MORE WORD OUT OF YOU AND I'M FILING A BUG REPORT deuce: GO FUCK YOURSELF

deuce: THAT LOOKS LIKE A PENIS SIR

deuce: AH, THE JOYS OF WAKING UP AS THE SUN IS GOING DOWN pants: #BLESSED deuce: THE GAYEST OF GAYS pants: WHAT GAY SHALL WE DO THIS DAY deuce: WHEREAS pants: HERETOFORE pants: PUTTING MY PENIS IN THINGS

deuce: GOD IS MADE OF DEUCE'S SHITS deuce: AND ALSO PLASTIC deuce: OH AND SOME FRITOS deuce: APOLOGIES TO ALL MY RELIGIOUS FRIENDS BUT deuce: WWWWWWWWWWWW WASTED

spigot: IF GOD WANTED :POINT_RIGHT: :POINT_RIGHT: MEN :POINT_LEFT: :POINT_LEFT: spigot: TO SUCK :POINT_RIGHT: :POINT_RIGHT: DICKS :POINT_LEFT: :POINT_LEFT: spigot: HE WOULD HAVE GIVEN THEM :POINT_RIGHT: :POINT_RIGHT: MOUTHS AND DICKS :POINT_LEFT: :POINT_LEFT:

lobster: I'M NOT DEAD I'M JUST IN THE DATACENTER

: Suddenly... pants: YOU ARE COVERED IN WHITE PAINT, DOG SHIT pants: WHAT HAPPENED deuce: I WAS CAUGHT BETWEEN THE HEADLIGHTS AND DID THE WRONG THING

spigot: WHAT HAPPENS TO A DICK UNLICKED?!?!?! deuce: IT IS A SINGULARITY IN SPACETIME WHERE THE LAWS OF PHYSICS DO NOT APPLY

spigot: WHAT HAPPENS TO A DICK UNLICKED?!?!?! pants: DOES SUCH A THING EXIST?!?!?!??!?!?!

spigot: WHAT HAPPENS TO A DICK UNLICKED?!?!?! spigot: DOES IT PUSH AND POKE AND CHOKE AND JOKE spigot: DOES IT WHEEZE AND SNEEZE AND SQUEEZE BENEATH THE AMBER SYCAMORE TREES deuce: *OR DOES IT EXPLODE*

pants: are all cowboys gay or just the ones i see in movies, on tv, riding horses, mending fences deuce: it is possible that there exists a non-gay cowboy but science has yet to discover one pants: pffft what does science know

pants: WHAT HAVE WE DONE deuce: ONLY WHAT WAS NECESSARY TO SURVIVE

pants: ARE THOSE PEOPLE DEAD

deuce: THERE IS ONLY A TOILET AND YOUR FACE pants: WHAT HE SAID

spigot: WHAT HOPE HAVE WE NOW OF LICKING DONGS pants: DON'T GIVE UP pants: BARELY EVEN LOOKING AWAY FROM THE CURRENT DICK

spigot: I SUCK ROYAL DICKS spigot: WHAT HURTS THE MOST spigot: ARE THE DICKS spigot: I'M ART LINKLETTER

spigot: FOLKS IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN GIVE A SHIT WHAT I DID LAST SUMMER deuce: NO IT'S THAT I *STILL* DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER

pants: WHAT I NEED YOU TO DO IS COME DOWN TO WHERE I WORK AND SLAP THE DICKS OUT OF MY MOUTH

spigot: YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY TO TRANS HATERS spigot: ***** PUNCH ***** MEN HAVE DICKS DEAL WITH IT

pants: I LOVE COCK BUT I ALSO HATE WHAT THE WHITE MAN HAS DONE TO MY PEOPLE

pants: WHAT IF FAGS LICK DICK WITHOUT THE PROPER LICENSES deuce: CHEMICAL WEAPONS ATTACK

spigot: WILL YOU LICK MY DICK spigot: WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THERE WERE NO HIDDEN FEES

spigot: WHAT IF WE DROP....... spigot: AN ATOMIC........ spigot: DONG?!?!?!?! pants: I WILL PRESS THE BUTTON

pants: WHAT IF I JUST GET BORED AND STOP BREATHING atandt: MIND THE GAP

deuce: STOP TOUCHING MY DICK pants: OKAY pants: SORRY deuce: OKAY NOW START AGAIN pants: OKAY

bung: NOW ALL OF MY MEN ARE UNDER ONE ROOF deuce: WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT SIR deuce: OH spigot: I'M A LOOSE NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: T PANTS THE EVIL COMPUTER JUST TURNED THE OLD WOMAN INTO AN EVIL ROBOT pants: T DEUCE BY TOUCHING HER OR USING SPACE RAYS pants: T DEUCE I PREFER THE SPACE RAYS METHOD pants: T DEUCE THE OTHER ONE GETS YOU TIME IN LOCKUP (OR LOCKDOWN, YOUR CHOICE) deuce: T PANTS AT THE VERY LEAST IT GETS YOU SMEARED WITH POO THAT'S FOR SURE

deuce: OKAY SILENCE ON THE SET deuce: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR deuce: TAKE ONE deuce: I'M THE MERRY CHRISTMAS FAGGOT deuce: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH I LIKE DICK deuce: JINGLE BALLS JINGLE BALLS deuce: JINGLE ALL THE WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW deuce: CUT

spigot: WHAT'S THE MATTER THERE, CHOPSTICKS?!?!?!? spigot: PREEZ I DROWN!!!!! spigot: CHONG BONG DONG?!?!? SAY WHAT?!?!? FONG LONG DUH???? spigot: SHOVE

spigot: SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS THE SOUND OF ONE DICK LICKING pants: [B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B

pants: I WAS MAKING A TOY FOR THE BIRDS

deuce: UM deuce: ERR deuce: THAT'S HAND SANITIZER NOT BONER LUBE spigot: I KNOW WHAT IT IS AND IT BURNS

spigot: GARLIC BAGELS WITH GARLIC BUTTER!!! deuce: I THOUGHT YOU SAID GARLIC BALLS spigot: IT'S NOT ABOUT LICKING DICK IT'S ABOUT LICKING DICK UNDER OATH

pants: it's like cocaine for the nose spigot: it's like an enema for the behind

deuce: THE SILENT BEATOFF TRAIN pants: AND THE PARTICULARLY NOISY BEATOFF TRAIN

pants: WHAT KIND OF ASPY ARE YOU deuce: AN ASPIE WITH AN UNBEATOFF DICK

pants: SHUT THE DOOR pants: ALSO MOVE THE MOUSE pants: THEN SHUT THE DOOR pants: NO WITH YOU OUTSIDE pants: YOU ARE JUST pants: OKAY FINE pants: WHAT KIND OF GOD

spigot: WELL LADY I WOULD LIKE TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION ABOUT JERKCITY BY WAY OF FORCE-FEEDING YOU MY DICK LIKE A HOSE pants: A GREEN HARDEN HOSE I HOPE spigot: T PANTS WHAT KIND OF HOSE IS REALLY NONE OF YOUR CONCERN pants: T SPIGOT I AM THAT LADY