pants: T DEUCE PLEASE DON'T BEAT ME OFF IN ANGER deuce: T PANTS THAT IS THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW

pants: LOVE ME LIKE THE SON YOU HUMPED TO DEATH pants: NO THE OTHER ONE pants: YES FINE EITHER ONE THEN

ozone: 0003 4707 3EF6 ozone: HMM, THAT MEETING'S STARTED ozone: DO I CARE deuce: EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH SIX MONTHS RUNNING

deuce: FORCING MYSELF ON YOU ozone: EATING THE ENTIRE BAG OF COOKIES

pants: DOY I'M A PACK-MANG DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH (EACH DUH PUNCTUATES A DOT BEING EATEN) deuce: DUH DUH DUH SPROING OING OING (NOT DOING ANYTHING DIFFERENT) DUH DUH DUH DUH

pants: MY ROPE BROKE

atandt: GREETINGS FELLOW PRESBYTERIANS

spigot: SHUT UP pants: LET MY PEOPLE GO deuce: STEPHEN ROOT AS RICHARD CLARKE ?!?!?! atandt: REMEMBER THE PRIME DIRECTIVE atandt: I P FREELY spigot: HOO FLUNG DOO pants: MOUTH deuce: MOTHER FUCKERS

pants: ARE YOU MEL GIBSON IN THE PATRIOT ??? deuce: I'M THINKING YES

pants: WELL I BOUGHT A PEACOCK ONLINE pants: TURNS OUT THEY ARE A KIND OF BIRD spigot: I TRIED TO TELL YOU pants: CRAIGSLIST DOES NOT TAKE RETURNS

atandt: LIES! deuce: AGREED deuce: I MEAN WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT atandt: THE STORY ABOUT THE PENGUIN atandt: IT'S NOT TRUE deuce: OH

pants: MY FELLOW AMERICANS pants: I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE PENNY ANTE INCIDENT pants: WE ARE NO LONGER ALLOWED TO FILM IN NEW JERSEY pants: APPARENTLY WE GIVE ITALIAN-AMERICANS A BAD NAME pants: REMEMBER THE TIME MY FACE GOT STUCK LIKE THIS pants: LET US LEARN FROM THE FUTURE SO WE CAN LOOK BACK AND URINATE ON THE PAST pants: WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED YOU ASK pants: IT'S WHAT pants: OH PENNY ARCADE pants: THEY ALL LOOK LIKE FUCKING BLOOM COUNTY TO ME pants: NONSENSICAL SYLLABLES AND PREPOSTEROUS GAY ACTS

deuce: I HEREBY DECLARE THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF JERKCITY deuce: MASS EXECUTIONS WILL BEGIN SHORTLY

effigy: T DEUCE THE PERFECT HOTDOG = NATHAN'S BUN LENGTH DOG, BOILED IN WATER THAT IS 1/2 AS HIGH AS THE DOG (YOU WANT IT SUPER HOT, AND BLISTERING ON THE OUTSIDE) THEN FRENCH'S MUSTARD ON THE (TOASTED) BUN PUT THE HOT DOG ON THE MUSTARDED BUN, AND SPRINKLE SOME CELERY SALT ON IT NEXT, ADD SOME DILL RELISH (NOT THAT SHITTY SWEET KIND -- FUCKING DILL) ... AND SOME SLICED PEPPERONCINIS EAT THEM WHILE THEY'RE HOT. ALSO, ADD SOME FRENCH'S FRIED ONIONS FOR A PLUS PLUS deuce: I PREFER MILLER'S TO NATHAN'S

deuce: ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF MY INABILITY TO MAINTAIN AN ERECTION WITHOUT THE PERVASIVE SMELL OF TURPENTINE pants: KIND OF

spigot: TO THE GROUND WITH YOU! DOWN -- BEFORE THE MIGHT OF DORMAMMU pants: THE ANCIENT ONE IS SENDING ME A MENTAL SUMMONS ! THE TIME IS AT HAND -- HE WILL CHOOSE THE INSTANT! AND -- HE TELLS ME -- NOW spigot: WHAT IS THIS ?? YOU START TO DRAW BACK -- STRAINING AGINST ME AS IF WITH NEW-FOUND STRENGTH pants: THE TIME FOR PRETENSE IS PAST! spigot: I WANTED TO DO THE HULK VS. THE THING

spigot: OKAY ***NOW*** ARE YOU MARRIED pants: NO pants: I MEAN SURE spigot: GREAT, HERE'S WHAT YOU DO spigot: NEXT TIME YOU'RE SINGING "DANNY BOY" spigot: AND YOU GET TO THE PART ABOUT THE PIPES spigot: ABOUT HOW THE PIPES / THE PIPES / ARE CALLING spigot: ASK YOUR WIFE IF SHE CAN HEAR THIS PIPE CALLING spigot: THEN PUSH HER EAR AGAINST YOUR PENIS spigot: YOU CAN DO THIS IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT OR DURING THE DAY

pants: I PAY THE PISS BILL spigot: BE GAY WITH ME OR SHUT UP deuce: NO spigot: HOME TO JERK (SERIOUSLY) deuce: I MEANT OKAY pants: HEY MISTER pants: I PAY THE PISS BILL deuce: WE HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME

spigot: MAYDAY MAYDAY I'M GOING DOWN spigot: SNEAKING OUT spigot: CONNECTION CLOSED BY FOREIGN HOST. deuce: DO I SMELL OR SOMETHING spigot: CLOMP CLOMP *SLAM* spigot: MAYDAY MAYDAY I'M GOING DOWN spigot: SNEAKING OUT

spigot: HOW ARE WE ALL DOING ON OUR PLEDGE TO HAVE MORE CANNOLIS DELIVERED TO OUR HOMES VIA UBER EATS

pants: NOT SURE WHAT THE POINT OF A BIGGER DICK IS pants: IF SHE SEES IT I'M GOING TO FUCK HER UP WITH IT pants: SOME KIND OF FANTASYLAND WHERE NO MEANS NO

pants: THE POKING pants: THE POKING deuce: SO THERE ARE TWO POKINGS

: Groups fighting for drug legalization are also upset about a second portion of the Hatch-Feinstein bill. It creates another felony, punishable by up to 10 years in the federal pen, banning distribution "by any means" of information about "the manufacture or use of a controlled substance" if the recipient might use it to get high. pants: HEY HERE'S A VALUABLE TIP: IF YOU WANT TO GET HIGH, TAKE DRUGS !!! NOW CAN I PLEASE GO TO PRISON OR POSSIBLY SOME MANNER OF UNCHARTED BOOT CAMP EXPERIENCE BRRRRR

pants: SUCKING DICKS USING THE POMODORO TECHNIQUE (25 DICKS THEN TAKE A BREAK WITH 5 TOTALLY DIFFERENT DICKS)

pants: THIS IS RADIO FREE BONEQUEST hanford: ... pants: GUESS WHAT I FOUND TODAY pants: I FOUND THE POO BUTTON hanford: THE WHAT pants: ALLOW ME TO SHOW YOU THE PATH TO WISDOM AND NIRVANA AND ALL THAT GAY STUFF :: PUSHES THE BUTTON. pants: I LIKE IT SO FAR hanford: UH pants: IT'S WARM AND SMOOSHY AND WHAT HAVE YOU hanford: UH pants: BUBUBUBUB PROBLEM hanford: HALP pants: SAVE ME hanford: OH FUCK YOU

pants: WHERE DO YOU STAND ON THE POPE spigot: HIS WINDPIPE pants: POPE HOSPITALIZED pants: DIFFICULTY BREATHING spigot: I CALL IT HIS WINDPOPE

spigot: YOU GUYS, MAYBE START WITH THE POPE IS CONCEALING CHILD SEXUAL ASSAULT ON THE ROOF

deuce: IS IT TOO LATE TO ABORT ME pants: I WILL ASK-A THE POPE

effigy: I'M THE POPE OF LOS ANGELES deuce: hail and well met, Pope

pants: I WANT TO DELIVER MAIL TO THE STALLS pants: PACKAGE FOR YOU SIR pants: KNOCK KNOCK I'VE GOT A POSTCARD FROM STALL 4 TO STALL 2 spigot: COME ON IN SORRY AS YOU CAN SEE THIS PLACE IS A MESS spigot: CLOSE THE DOOR spigot: HONK pants: OOF pants: LORDY LORD spigot: URG pants: SIGN HERE AND HERE AND HERE AND HULAGHLUAGHUAG HERE spigot: THANK YOU COME AGAIN

spigot: I HEARD LIQUOR MAKES THE GALS LOOSER!!! SO I SMASHED THE BOTTLE OVER HER HEAD

spigot: I ONLY SUCK DICK IN SELF DEFENSE spigot: AND AT THE BOOKSTORE pants: MUCH LIKE WALKER, TEXAS RANGER AND THAT OTHER FELLOW

spigot: OKAY HERE GOES spigot: DEAR FATTY, WELCOME TO DUMPSVILLE spigot: THIS IS THE HARDEST LETTER I'VE EVER HAD TO PUSH IN YOUR FACE spigot: YOU'RE FAT AND BORING spigot: PLEASE IF YOU COULD GO BE STUPID AT YOUR HOUSE INSTEAD OF HERE spigot: WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS THAT I CAN'T STAND YOU spigot: OH IT'S JUST COMING OUT ALL WRONG spigot: FUCK OFF

deuce: THEY DISCOVERED A NEW PARTICLE TODAY: THE PRICKALINO !!!!!!! pants: REALLY NOW pants: WHAT ARE ITS NESTING HABITS deuce: IT LIKES TO POKE AND PROD pants: WELL THEN

spigot: EVERY TIME I REACH INTO THE CAN THE PRINGLES ARE FARTHER AWAY ??? spigot: IS THIS SOME SORT OF QUANTUM TUBULAR PHENOMENON ?!? spigot: MY FIST IS GETTING SQUISHED INTO SPAGHETTI HERE !!! deuce: MOOSH IT ALL AROUND LIKE IT'S PASGHETTI net: IT IS BEST TO TEAR THE CAN TO BITS RIGHT WHEN YOU OPEN IT net: YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO EAT THEM ALL ANYWAY spigot: IF I REACH DOWN DEEP ENOUGH I'LL BE BACK IN TIME BEFORE I EVEN OPENED THEM AND I WILL HAVE LOTS !!! spigot: I HOPE I DON'T CUT MYSELF ON THE LID !!! deuce: YOU ARE CLEARLY TRAVELLING FASTER THAN LIGHT !!! spigot: WHAT IS THE NUMBER TO 911

dick: I HEAR DUCKS dick: "QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK" QUACKED THE DUCKS deuce: SO MANY QUACKS

spigot: T PANTS I NEED TO HIDE^H^H^H^H STAY AT YOUR HOUSE pants: T SPIGOT I'M NOT WEARING A SHIRT AND I TEND TO EAT BURRITOS IN MY SLEEP

: For he has convinced thousands of men and women to disregard the shackles of mediocrity spigot: FOR GODS SAKE I NEED MY HEAD IN THE TOILET spigot: WHY CAN'T I KEEP MY POO IN MY BIG FAT BOTTOM WHERE IT BELONGS INSTEAD OF ALL OVER THE SIDEWALK spigot: A PLASTIC BAG OR A PILLOWCASE OR SOMETHING spigot: JUST ANYTHING TO KEEP THE POO FROM LEAKING OUT DURING A JOB INTERVIEW spigot: I REALLY LIKE WORKING WITH PEOPLE spigot: I HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE spigot: NO THAT'S NOT POO

pants: FIRST I CHECK FOR THE ADAM'S APPLE THEN I DO THE DOWNSTAIRS CHECKS AND IF THOSE PASS WE'RE GOOD TO GO pants: LOADING 9 BLACK PLASTIC GARBAGE BAGS INTO THE CAR

pants: KINDLY UNCLAMP deuce: SORRY I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS STILL APPLYING PRESSURE (NUMBNESS IN LIMBS, JOINTS) deuce: I HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM

pants: EXPELLED FROM THE INSTITUTE FOR THE GIFTED (MY PARTICULAR MUTANT POWER WAS MAKING EVERYBODY SICK) pants: PPPFFT OH GROSS THIS IS YESTERDAY'S COLD COFFEE PFFFT PFFFFFT NOW I'M GAY FOR SURE pants: I SWEAR TO GOD THE PURPLE MAN TOLD ME TO DO THIS UBLHBLUB HALUHLABUHLAB

spigot: I'D LIKE TO SOLVE THE PUZZLE: I LICK DICK

spigot: COULD YOU PLEASE COME BACK HERE AND HAGGLE OVER MY BALLS FOR HALF AN HOUR deuce: T SPIGOT DON'T FALL FOR IT spigot: T DEUCE YOU PUT THE Q IN Q*BERT

pants: URK URK GOTTA FIND PORN spigot: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON pants: I HAVE TO TAKE A SHIT !!! RIGHT NOW !!! spigot: I WON'T STAND IN YOUR WAY pants: BUT BUT spigot: WHAT WHAT pants: I ALSO MUST BEAT OFF !!! RIGHT NOW !!! spigot: YOU NEED APPROPRIATE PORN pants: I NEED FAMILY CIRCLE, COSMO spigot: WILL GOOD HOUSEKEEPING DO ?? pants: THAT'S PERFECT !!! THANKS LOADS spigot: SIGH spigot: WHAT A NICE YOUNG MAN

pants: A LINE IS FORMING???? pants: GHLAGHLUAGHULAHUGLAG

spigot: THE QUICKTIME LOGO IS LITERALLY A DICK POKING THROUGH A HOLE AT YOU

deuce: TURNS OUT I BEAT OFF

pants: GRAVITY IS FORCING ME TO BE GAY AGAIN

spigot: FOLKS THE REASON THERE ARE SO MANY MORE MEN THAN WOMEN IN COMPUTER SCIENCE IS BECAUSE IT'S NOT OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO RECTIFY THE IMBALANCE. spigot: FOLKS THE REASON THE SKY LOOKS BLUE IS BECAUSE DUST IN THE ATMOSPHERE CHOPS UP LIGHT FROM THE SUN INTO TINY WAVELENGTHS WHICH OUR EYES DETECT AS BLUE. spigot: FOLKS MIKE'S HARD LEMONADE JUST ISN'T DOING IT FOR ME THIS MORNING pants: HAVE YOU CONSIDERED A WINE COOLER OR MAYBE A GLASS OF WATER

spigot: who's excited for the reboot of my dick in their mouth

spigot: IS YOUR STUPID CAT STILL DEMANDING THE RELEASE OF THE MLEPSTEIN FILES

pants: THE REMARKABLE WORLDS OF PANTS pants: STARRING THE TOILET AREA AND THE BURRITO STAND pants: WE LAST LEFT OUR HERO UNDER THE UNDERPASS pants: FOR WHATEVER REASON pants: NOW WE'RE GOING LIVE TO THE SCENE pants: IT WAS LIKE I TOLD YOU: pants: DICKS TO THE LEFT, DICKS TO THE RIGHT pants: THEN I SAY "HEY ARE YOU GEORGE MICHAEL" pants: AND OF COURSE HE RUNS OUT pants: UNLICKED DICKS BY THE BASKET IS ALL I'M ASKING pants: STANDARD LAUNDRY HAMPER SIZED BASKETS, YES

spigot: RIDDLE ME THIS, BATMAN !!!!!!!! spigot: LICK MY DICK !!!!!!!!! deuce: WAS THAT A RIDDLE spigot: YOU'RE A RIDDLE deuce: DO YOU HAVE A RIDDLE OR NO spigot: LICK MY DICK

pants: MOO ???? IS THAT THE RIGHT ANSWER ??? deuce: I SUPPOSE deuce: WE WOULD HAVE ACCEPTED ANY BLEAT REALLY

pants: suck them all off pants: sorry wrong window pants: totally suck them pants: why won't this thing switch chat rooms pants: oh!!!!!!!!!!! pants: this was the right room all along: pants: suck them

spigot: I WILL SUE FOR THE RIGHT TO LICK YOUR DICK spigot: (PUSHING ROLLED UP CONSTITUTION THROUGH HOLE) deuce: I AM CROSSING OUT ARTICLE VII AND ADDING AMENDMENT XIII spigot: WE THE PLBLRLBLGHBLEBLGLPLE

atandt: ROCKFORD FILES atandt: HOGANS HEROES atandt: BRADY BUNCH pants: SOON IT WILL BE THE WINTER OF OUR DISCONTENT atandt: A STARBUCKS INSIDE JERKCITY ????????????? pants: THEN ALL THE DICKS NEED LITTLE SWEATERS

deuce: MARRIAGE IS EXCLUSIVELY A BOND BETWEEN A MAN AND A CHIPMUNK deuce: PROOFREADING deuce: YEP, THAT'S RIGHT, PRINT IT

pants: THE JEWS ARE AT THE GATES pants: YOU NEVER HEAR THAT PHRASE DO YOU pants: IT'S ALWAYS THE ROMANS OR THE HUNS OR THE CUNTS

pants: THE RULE IS NOW THIS: pants: DON'T LET ME NEAR THINGS pants: I WILL BREAK THEM, EAT THEM, STEAL THEM, FUCK THEM OR PUT THEM UP ME

spigot: BOY HAVE I LEARNED THE RULES OF DICK spigot: LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION

pants: CAN ANYTHING BE BUTTFUCKED OR DOES THE THING HAVE TO HAVE A BUTT pants: I HAVE QUESTIONS deuce: ANYTHING deuce: YOU CAN BUTTFUCK A ROCK deuce: A SMOOTH, ROUND ROCK (WITHOUT A BUTT) pants: WHAT ABOUT A MAN SUCH AS MYSELF deuce: ANYTHING

pants: DEAR SIR pants: THANK YOU FOR SUBMITTING YOUR INFORM 7 TEXT ADVENTURE "THE RULES OF LOVE" TO ROOT@JERKCITY.COM pants: I AM STUCK IN THE TOILET PLEASE SEND INVISICLUES deuce: WHY CAN'T I EVEN EXAMINE THE FUCKING LOTIONS

pants: IF I'M BEATING OFF DON'T COME INTO THE ROOM UNLESS THE PIZZA HAS ARRIVED OR FRESH BAKED COOKIES ARE HOT OUT OF THE OVEN OR YOU JUST POURED ME A DRINK OR I GOT A LETTER IN THE MAIL OR IF YOU SAW A BIRD OUTSIDE OR YOU'RE JUST BORED AND NEED TO TALK

pants: THE SAINT OF ALL WIENERS pants: NO RESULTS FOUND FOR "THE SAINT OF ALL WIENERS". deuce: GO ON pants: PUT BUTTER ON ME deuce: SMEARING

spigot: SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE??!?? TO SQUIRT MY THIRST???/ spigot: LET'S NOT ALWAYS SEE THE SAME HANDS

pants: WHO WILL SAVE MY SOUL deuce: ME ME ME ME ME pants: HOW WILL YOU ACCOMPLISH THIS TASK deuce: WITH TOOTHPICKS AND A LOT OF GLUE pants: WE ARE ON THE SAME PAGE THEN

pants: IS THAT THE SAME TOOTHBRUSH THAT FELL IN THE TOILET pants: IF SO: I WANT IN ON THE DEAL deuce: PLEASE BRING IT UP SLOWLY: IT WILL FALL IN AGAIN pants: I CANNOT SIT HERE WHILE YOU JERK THIS DICK AND THAT DICK: IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE

deuce: FLAP FLAP FLAP deuce: WAIT I ROLLED THE SIX STOP IT deuce: OW THAT'S NOT FAIR OOF I MADE MY SAVING THROW UNNNNGH

pants: BUT THE SCARIEST MONSTER OF ALL IS RACISM deuce: NO IT ISN'T deuce: IT'S GHOST ORCS deuce: (THOUGH ADMITTEDLY THE GHOST ORCS ARE PRETTY RACIST, TOO)

spigot: CAN YOU GET PREGNANT FROM ANAL SEX deuce: WE WILL CONDUCT 1000 SCIENTIFIC TRIALS ALSO WE WILL NEED ANOTHER 1000 FOR THE CONTROL GROUP

deuce: THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE spigot: INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF BONERS deuce: THE SECOND LAW OF SPURTODYNAMICS

pants: I FELL ASLEEP WITH MY DICK IN A HOT POCKET ONLY TO WAKE UP TO A LUKEWARM POCKET deuce: YOU HAVE LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON ABOUT ENTROPY

atandt: HEY GUYS atandt: I'M LICKING deuce: RIKKI TIKKI DUH atandt: I'M SOME KIND OF GAY RODENT deuce: THE SECRET OF NUMB

pants: IT'S THE SEVEN ENDLESS NOT THE NINE ENDLESS YOU HAVE SEVEN PLUS A JERKING PIG AND A SPIDER-MAN AND THEY SHOULD NOT BE THERE

pants: ALSO AVENGE JANE MOON AND FUCK DREWTOOTHPASTE pants: WHAT IS IT WITH THE STRAIGHTS LATELY pants: DON'T THEY HAVE ENOUGH TO DO

pants: I AM IN FACT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED pants: HOW DO I GET OUT OF THE SHED

net: THIS ISN'T BOSNIA PEOPLE pants: BOOM net: ALSO SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT pants: BOOM pants: BOOM (THE SHELLING CONTINUES)

deuce: SHOW ME pants: NEVER deuce: BUT I'M FROM THE SHOW ME STATE pants: WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO

(ozone): HE SAID YOU HAVE SHIT IN YOUR BEARD pants: THE SHOW MUST GO ON ozone: THE SYSTEM IS BEING SHUT DOWN NOW ! ! ! pants: I WISH THE SYSTEM WOULD SHUT DOWN ON MY COCK !!! pants: AND CAPTURE IT... pants: LIKE A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY deuce: AND THEN HOLD IT FOREVER AND EVER pants: AMEN deuce: BEAT OFF INTO MY OPEN HANDS (CUPPED) pants: I AM TRYING BUT YOUR MANIACAL FACIAL EXPRESSION MAKES IT OOF OOF HERE YA GO LITTLE FELLA

spigot: WHO FORGOT TO PAY THE ELECTRIC BILL deuce: HUALGHULAHGLAHGLAG pants: BLAGHABGHULAGBLAHGAGH

pants: JUST THE SMALLEST DAB OF URINE BEHIND MY EAR deuce: TRULY EAU DE TOILETTE

pants: I WAN TOO GO TO JESA pants: I WAN TOO GO WIV CRIEZ pants: I CAN GO WIV JESA EF I AC RELL NIZE

spigot: FOLKS WE NEED TO SELL QUADRAS AND PERFORMAS AT SEARS NEXT TO THE WASHERS/DRYERS

pants: WE ALSO HAVE REMOVED THE SOUND OF CHILDREN SCREAMING AS THE GUNMAN ENTERS THE CLASSROOM. WE CONSIDER THIS TOO GRAPHIC. deuce: WELL HOW AM I GOING TO BEAT OFF THEN

spigot: FSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THE SOUND OF THE BUS RESIGNED TO PICK UP A WHEELCHAIR PERSON

deuce: IF I COULD BE ANY KIND OF SPICE I'D BE CARDIMUM deuce: BECAUSE THEN I'D FINALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP deuce: GET IT BECAUSE "MUM" MEANS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP deuce: TURNS OUT I'LL NEVER SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

spigot: AND A ONE AND A TWO AND A spigot: WHO CAN TAKE A BONG / HIT spigot: AND HOLD IT IN HIS HEAD spigot: AND EAT A BOX OF COOKIES / SUCK A COCK / AND GO TO BED pants: THE SPIGOT MAN CAN spigot: THE SPIGOT MAN CAN

spigot: NEED SOMEONE TO CONFIGURE MY TCP/IP TO THE PPP TO MY ISP TO THE LAN TO THE WAN TO THE LDAP TO THE INTERNET SO I CAN DO BUILDS deuce: T SPIGOT I LIKE THE SPRITE IN YOU

atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP deuce: T ATANDT BANG atandt: TAP

pants: WELL WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH THIS PLASTIC BAGGIE OF PISS THEN (INDIGNANT) deuce: WHOOPIE CUSHION TIME!!!! pants: SPLITTING MY PANTS

spigot: T DEUCE JOIN ME IN THE SQUIRT BOOTH AT THE SPRAY PARK FOR THE SPLOP FAIR deuce: I DO NOTKNOW WHAT THAT IS

spigot: CHRISTOPHER REEVE PRESENTS STEPHEN KING'S THE STAIRS

pants: THE STARK STORY OF A FAMILY LIVING IN THE MILLENNIUM AND THE PROBLEMS THEY ARE FACED WITH AS THEY ARE KILLED OFF ONE BY ONE

deuce: GAY REDUNDANCY DETECTED pants: MMM YES QUITE (FANNING SELF)

spigot: MY FAT NUTS WROTE A SCREENPLAY OVER THE HOLIDAYS spigot: IT'S THE STORY OF A BOY WHO BECOMES A MAN spigot: MAN: (GRABS BOY) SUCK THIS DICK spigot: BOY (STRUGGLING) NO, IT'S TOO MUCH spigot: MAN: SUCK WITH YOUR HEART AND NOT YOUR MOUTH spigot: BOY: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM TODAY I'M QUEER spigot: MAN (GRABS BOYS NECK): I'LL KILL ALL QUEER COCKSUCKERS spigot: (END ACT 1)